Wordy. So, another stuck in a cabin premise. What’s different about yours? Let’s see that. The Cujo hook would serve you well here.

A surgeon suffering with Amnesia? This is poorly conceived idea. Also, your surgeon’s options seem a little limited by the way you have phrased his circumstances. Perhaps, “a surgeon wakes to discover he is the victim of….”

Sorry Wardo, not a huge fan. It’s well written but I guess I’m over the Africa in crisis thing. The main problem you have is there’s little on the nun before the shit hits the fan, so what has she lost? Ditto with […]

Grammatically, this is getting in the way of what you seem to be trying to say. If the protagonist’s profession is important emphasize it better. If it isn’t, lose it. Create more urgency for the choice he has to […]

Spoof or dramatic? Clean this logline up. Would be interested in taking a read of the script if you have one?

Who’s been cheated on? It reads like both the producer and the female confidant have been respectively cheated on. What’s a “female confidant”? Who is she to him? This is a logline that initially reads smart, but […]

This is not a logline. Bad grammar and incoherent. Apocalyptic narratives are a tricky play these days – there are a lot of them, and they don’t bank for a studio. So what’s different about yours? Focus on that […]

All over this. My kind of thing

This doesn’t really go anywhere. What’s the main conflict here? What’s actually happening in your story. What you’ve outlined is a prologue to your story, so it feels.

Sounds like it could be a lot of fun. RIght now, your logline isn’t selling this particularly well. You don’t need to tell us what all the characters do for a living.

Your logline is all over the place, but the story sounds terrific. Go with a simpler narrative of the conflict. You don’t need to tell us why someone decided to commit suicide, it’s implied in the action of taking […]

Conceptually, I’m all over this. Really terrific job. Well done.

Wasn’t aware that I was required to do so to comment. Do you want to continue hammering this point? Or shall we go on about our day? Personally, I’m done with this thread now. Please feel free to continue bashing.

Not really without delving into preference. Which of course is always going to differ from reader to reader. I think you’ve got something strong here. I scored it lower on concept as I’m assuming the determination […]

You’ve got a clunky logline right now and its gettting in the way of the story hiding in there.

Terrific. Well put together. Dialogue crackles, formatting solid as a rock. Really pushes the read along. I rattled through this in a night. Good stuff.

Thank you for illustrating my point. Unless you are able to come to terms with a universal fact that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, instead of name calling and accusations of wrong doing, this isn’t the […]

Happy to score you. Was avoiding it to drag your score down on the basis of the un-originality of your premise. But if you really want the score. Might I suggest you take fair feedback on the chin, or perhaps keep […]

It’s good.