• hingylingy wrote a new post, Roy G. Biv 1 year ago

    A skeptic uses prisms to travel back in time for priceless scrolls, but instead ends up in an ancient tomb, and must rekindle his lost faith to come home…

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: hingylingy wrote a new post, The Cygnus Treaty In 2025, apocalyptic events help a conspiracy theorist decode a government program, which is really an alien takeover that underwrites credit with human life. View

    when the banks underwrite credit they usually need some collateral
    in this case it’s human life…that’s all!

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: hingylingy wrote a new post, The Cygnus Treaty In 2025, apocalyptic events help a conspiracy theorist decode a government program, which is really an alien takeover that underwrites credit with human life. View

    Thanks for weighing in. Please, tell me what you think it means?

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: hingylingy wrote a new post, The Cygnus Treaty In 2025, apocalyptic events help a conspiracy theorist decode a government program, which is really an alien takeover that underwrites credit with human life. View

    I just love my work! :)

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: jdcool12 wrote a new post, The Revenge A Lead detective goes undercover to find a mad man who kidnaps his wife and child and holds them for a ransom, because he blames the cop for the death of his wife. View

    This logline needs a little more clarity…there is a detective and a cop? or is the same guy?
    Does the madman blame the detective for his wife’s death?

    You must be clear in the logline, I am sure there will be enough mystery throughout the rest of the story.

    Jay

  • In 2025, apocalyptic events help a conspiracy theorist decode a government program, which is really an alien takeover that underwrites credit with human life.

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: raydavenport wrote a new post, Miss Hit-lady Hit woman and master thief Sage is sent on a series of jobs until she encounters a problem after her first hit job, a witness which is a troublesome five year old […] View

    Remember, no names in loglines..
    Also, the premise is there, but there is really no hook…of course there may be some extenuating circumstances with an autistic girl, but then what? Does she train her like in “The Professional” This needs more and maybe it should be “Assassin” instead of Hit Woman which makes you seem like you have a gender…[Read more]

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: admin wrote a new post, Counter Space An intergalactic criminal is on a mission to start the universe over. ACD (Aerospace Crime Divsion) is tasked with apprehending the fugitive sneaking into uncharted galaxies. View

    The story appears to be quite original, a cardinal sin to avoid in a logline is the use of any character names..brevity is a must, and you must leave them hanging with a classic “or else” scenario.

    You have somewhat achieved this with the new universe thing, but you should cap it off with something like – this could tear the very fabric of the…[Read more]

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: admin wrote a new post, Whisper & Silence Whisper and Silence have been friends since childhood and they’ve been on the run almost as long. When a corrupt police officer begins blackmailing them they fight […] View

    First of all, don’t name your characters in your logline. It is vague and ambiguous. There are no stakes established…it is very banal and doesn’t really evoke a response from me…give me some meat…Each word in your logline must weigh a ton, not an ounce…give it a rewrite!

    Best of luck.

    Jay

  • The Chicago Don throws a cooking contest to pick his 2nd in command. Mobsters fight the pizza wars to win, but a bag man may outsmart them all with his own special dish.

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: RutgerOosterhoff wrote a new post, One Last Mission When a highly-decorated former Jewish assassin learns of a planned terrorist attack on the upcoming Israeli-Palestinian peace summit, he must go on one last […] View

    Although this seems to fit into a common theme of terrorism and covert ops…
    the logline is pretty good…i think that you can drop words like “former” and drop Israeli-Palestinian and just go with peace summit…we really don’t need to know that he’s Jewish either. Just that he’s an assassin. You can reveal all that in your synopsis.

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: raydavenport wrote a new post, Oscar A young barn Swallow named Oscar whose afraid of heights must learn how to fly to go south before the winter to rejoin his family. View

    this is a premise…the big question is really: Or what?
    Why do we even care about Oscar? I don’t mean to be harsh, but the only aspect of this that is remotely interesting is that a bird is afraid of heights…so their is a little irony..but what else. Now if Oscar was a genius that maps out the route for the other swallows…and then it is…[Read more]

  • In 2025, apocalyptic events help a conspiracy theorist decode a government program, which is really an alien takeover that underwrites credit with human life.

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: admin wrote a new post, I Lied, But I Loved You… Romantic violinist appears in a doctor’s life at the same time as she learns that she has cancer. Being afraid to destroy their romance, she cleverly hides her […] View

    Albeit the fact that we must focus on brevity in a logline, we must still give the reader something along the lines of “What if?” This log line is too ambiguous.

    She appears in the doctor’s life, and hides her illness from him…so they dated or is this her doctor? What are the stakes? Why? What will happen if he finds out? We need some hint…[Read more]

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 1 year, 4 months ago

    In reply to: damiz78 wrote a new post, REMATCH A child abuse victim, now 20 years old and training for an amateur boxing tournament, must face his tormentor when he’s released from prison. View

    …but he may not be able to fight him because he disappears or becomes a new man or saves someones life and is a hero in the media suddenly….something…anything else to get us gripped by the possibilities. The premise is good, where is the “BUT?” Log lines should be just a couple of sentences and should beg more questions. So, once again it’s…[Read more]

  • The Chicago Don throws a cooking contest where mobsters fight the pizza wars to win, but a bag man may outsmart them all with his own special dish.

  • In 2050, an engineer inadvertently freezes earth. He wakes up as the lone survivor with no memory, but soon discovers he was originally setup to freeze the planet by an unknown alien force. He must now act quickly […]

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: jfs15 wrote a new post, The Bigger Story An awkward thirteen year old forms an unlikely friendship with a hot shot high school quarterback only to have that relationship tested when a member of the team is killed […] View

    gee, aren’t you so transparent…complaining and at the same time oggling over the script!
    mabye you are Tony Sparano…John’s brother??

  • hingylingy posted a new activity comment 2 years, 10 months ago

    In reply to: hingylingy wrote a new post, The Credit Bureau Aliens place an engineer in an alternate reality to carryout a credit conspiracy he decoded in his own reality. View

    Thanks, sounds like another way to craft it…

    J

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