• Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 2 years, 7 months ago

    In reply to: Brian@TE wrote a new post, Hiding In Plain Sight Ten years after graduation, a hardworking family man has to face the consequences of an irresponsible pact he made in college, one which has resulted in a string of […] View

    Thanks for the review. We’re actually several drafts from that version and coincidentally we are doing a table read in two weeks. I don’t know what you mean by ‘finalist’? Hard to believe we would advance with 3.4 out 5 stars. We posted it here for the feedback because we know here it is done with no agenda other than wanting to help. We…[Read more]

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: Brian@TE wrote a new post, Hiding In Plain Sight Ten years after graduation, a hardworking family man has to face the consequences of an irresponsible pact he made in college, one which has resulted in a string of […] View

    Thanks a-dominick for the review and notes. Glynis and I will keep them in mind going into the next re-write. Thanks for reading our story!

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: writerfultz wrote a new post, The Emperor’s Sword Three heroes are chosen from their respective clans to embark on entering the Serpent Queen’s palace and get Amaterasu’s Sword to rule the land, but only one may […] View

    Okay, lets see –
    – Possibly a different color snakes, type, some way of distinguishing them.
    -It’s not about what becoming more spiritual or smarter or more confident it would be in the why. This could be set up in first act and then we can watch them grow.
    -Sorry, I meant antagonist – something more personal than power maybe
    -It just didn’t…[Read more]

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: writerfultz wrote a new post, The Emperor’s Sword Three heroes are chosen from their respective clans to embark on entering the Serpent Queen’s palace and get Amaterasu’s Sword to rule the land, but only one may […] View

    I forgot to rate it, sorry.

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: writerfultz wrote a new post, The Emperor’s Sword Three heroes are chosen from their respective clans to embark on entering the Serpent Queen’s palace and get Amaterasu’s Sword to rule the land, but only one may […] View

    Thanks for sharing your script with us. I know what it takes to write a screenplay and now to be on your third version, wow. A few notes that I think need to be explored.

    – It’s a little confusing to have both one of the protagonist and an antagonist controlling snakes.
    – I think you could spice up the story by giving each of the characters…[Read more]

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: a-dominick wrote a new post, Boomerang the Great When her Grandpa dies, a lonely 7-year-old girl embarks on a tireless odyssey from the Mojave to Australia to reunite with her estranged Mama. View

    I read it twice. Loved it. The characters are fun and the story is compelling enough to hold our attention . You tell a good story in 12 pages. Some of it seems really far fetched. I’m not sure how Boomerang still fits in a jumper she wore as a baby? Dialogue could be a little cleaner. Try putting some subtext in side the dialogue to make…[Read more]

  • Chidi and Brian@TE are now friends 3 years, 2 months ago

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: banderson wrote a new post, Quest for Light, Adventure of the Magi Captivated by an extraordinary star, the Bible’s Persian priests journey along the Silk Road battling evil and struggle with their faith until t […] View

    What a great concept. I never would have thought of the Magi as warriors but I like the idea. You likened this to Indiana Jones or the The Robe. I honestly think it is more like Lord of the Rings. Seems like you did a lot of research. Thanks for sharing it with us.

    A few things I think can help improve the story when you go to your next…[Read more]

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: Brian@TE wrote a new post, Hiding In Plain Sight Ten years after graduation, a hardworking family man has to face the consequences of an irresponsible pact he made in college, one which has resulted in a string of […] View

    Thanks JTPhoto for the review. Glynis and I appreciate the time you took to read it. As we go into re-writes we will keep your thoughts in mind.

  • Brian@TE posted a new activity comment 3 years, 2 months ago

    In reply to: trebor6231 wrote a new post, Perfect Betrayal A young woman, turned into the perfect operative in order to win a military contract, struggles to retain her identity. View

    Thanks for allowing me to read your script. As a writer myself I understand how much time and sweat goes into a story. Especially one of the Sci-Fi genre where you have to create a reality for the reader. So as you go through the next re-write of the story here are a few notes that can improve the story.

    I found the concept to be a good…[Read more]

  • Ten years after graduation, a hardworking family man has to face the consequences of an irresponsible pact he made in college, one which has resulted in a string of assassinations. Not honoring that pact could […]

  • I hate to be cruel but this screenplau needs lots of work. Even as a novel. Fiona is too perfect. So perfect she is a flat character. She has no goal that goes from page one to the end. She makes no mistakes […]

  • Brian@TE commented on the post, Rum House 4 years, 7 months ago

    I throughly enjoyed the dialouge. Very clever. As mentioned above technical issues hurt the read. Sydney is a delite to read rfom the opening scene. Great job, have fun with it!

  • The concept in your logline is interesting but so far I don’t see it playing out, possibly b/c we only have 22 pages. Same issue with getting an overall feel. The first sequence with the burning house is good. […]

  • JDror and Brian@TE are now friends 5 years, 2 months ago

  • Thanks all for your kind words and suggestions. The script is online here so please read, i’d love all your feedback! Thanks again!

  • Good work, everything is understandable from motive stand point and whats at stake. Nice.

  • Too wordy and too clunky for me.

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