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When a lonesome groundskeeper falls into a coma, he discovers love in a opposite parallel universe, but must decide between granting a life, or to remain living but without his soul.

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  1. February 11, 2014, 12:53 am
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    Sounds like a great story…

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  2. RicoJ27 says
    October 25, 2013, 6:28 pm
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    Sounds interesting but it might be too similar to some romantic movies that have been released in the past couple years that revolve around opposite universes. Don’t see many producers being interested for that fact. Good luck.

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  3. RicoJ27 says
    October 25, 2013, 6:27 pm

    Sounds interesting but it might be too similar to some romantic movies that have been released in the past couple years that revolve around opposite universes. Don’t see many producers being interested for that fact. Good luck.

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    rewrite says
    October 9, 2013, 1:47 pm
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    Life and soul is another issue here, well you need to make this clear to people okay

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  5. scripted says
    September 11, 2013, 2:22 pm
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    This can be okay, well it is adventurous,

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    jeziers2 says
    February 27, 2013, 11:52 pm
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    very interesting idea. I like it :)

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  7. hingylingy says
    February 17, 2013, 2:26 pm
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    I like the concept of parallel universes, you can drop the word opposite as that is already implied.
    Granting a life or living without a soul is a curious statement, yet at the same time I have a feeling it doesn’t quite encapsulate your intent with the plot.

    It sounds like if he awakens he loses the love of his life, so does he come back to his lonesome reality or choose to stay in the parallel universe to be with his new-found love??

    A little like “What Dreams may Come”
    The system can be fraught with pitfalls and the system the protagonist is fighting can be antagonistic in nature, but it must be an epic battle to be worthy..Lord of the Rings..
    Sauron is the enemy and yet you never really see him because it is a great fight of good against evil. That can work wonderfully, but it needs to be epic!!

    Jay

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  8. February 17, 2013, 12:35 pm
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    I must say that though I am perhaps a bit confused, I am still at the same time compelled.

    This sounds dreamy, sexy… It has me curious as to what it means when you say “grant a life?” That sounds godly, not sure if you meant it that way, but when I read the script I’ll see for myself.

    Also, the other option, which is to remain living but without his soul….. That’s interesting, seems contradictory yet worthy of seeing what this means? My guess is that its’ just another way of saying you’re dead in a sense.

    So, as a logline, I see a good usage of words together that piece together a dreamy, mysterious picture, but the truth will be revealed in that script of course.

    Hopefully the script answers these questions I’ve asked and many more.

    Good luck!

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  9. December 10, 2012, 10:36 pm
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    Stories that explore the life of the mind (Inception, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Cell) can be beautiful, and can go anywhere, which is why I have given this story high potential.

    I have to do a lot of interpretation on the second half of this logline. If I take the original logline:

    “When a lonesome groundskeeper falls into a coma, he discovers love in a opposite parallel universe, but must decide between granting a life, or to remain living but without his soul.”

    I need more information to make sense of the last two clauses. Perhaps leaving the logline as a question could serve you well (no idea if this is accurate to story events). My revision also has a couple of other tweaks:

    “When a lonesome groundskeeper falls into a coma, he discovers love in an alternate universe, but will deciding to stay be the same as deciding to die?”

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    • December 10, 2012, 10:40 pm

      Thanks for the comment, and yeah I like the one you sent, and have a few others. I am just playing around right now and will worry about the logline when I am finished.

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    wordman says
    December 7, 2012, 5:42 pm
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    What is the reason for his choice? Where’s the protagonist? Needs work.

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    • December 10, 2012, 6:42 pm

      David Watkins was a lonesome groundskeeper who lost his parents at the age of five in a house fire leaving him with nothing but empty memories. He soon comes across a dream that shows the one thing he has always wanted but never had in an unknown parallel universe, which only brings him to face the ugly truth that it was all just make believe.

      Any better? I do not know why I am worrying about this right now, like the screenplay is near the end and I know it will be amazing, but like I just thought of some stuff ya know, but I do have a lot more different ones and such.

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  11. mikeyz says
    December 7, 2012, 2:30 pm
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    “… but must decide between granting a life, or to remain living but without his soul.”
    I’m not clear on this – do you mean this groundskeeper has to make a choice between sacrificing his own life in return for giving a life to someone else? If so, I think it can be said better and more clearly. Plus, consider splitting the logline up into 2 sentences because as it stands now, it runs on too long and confuses the meaning further.
    It is a good premise though.

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    ericmozil says
    December 5, 2012, 3:03 pm
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    Well written, but the subject matter loses it for me.

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