Wings of the Hawk More Images
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Rating: 3.7/5 (1 vote cast)

Wings of the Hawk

Talitha Sinclair believes dreams are nothing more than foolish happenings. Nothing prepares her when she meets Moses Williams, a man who believes dreams are merely realities which haven’t happened yet.

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  1. paul says
    July 30, 2012, 2:15 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    The logline does not do the story justice! There was nothing in the logline that REALLY inspired me to read the script. And when I started reading – the very first line – I was inclined to stop reading because of the use of camera angles. (You’re a writer, not a director, so leave the camera angles for the directors).
    The story, though, captured me from the first page and I took an instant liking in Talitha. The pace is fast and kept me engaged throughout. I loved every character – yes, even Sternchen – and all the obstacles in their way. This is an epic journey and a classic!
    (Now for some tips: you need to work on the introduction of your characters – by this I mean the description when they first appear in the story. You have quite a few missing sluglines and some sluglines are way too long. Once you’ve introduced a character, only use their first names from there on. Near the end you still wrote “Thalita’s mother, Lizzie Sinclair…”. By that time the reader knows Lizzie is her mother and you can only refer to her as Lizzie – first name only. You also have a few spelling and grammar errors. You’ve used Flashback scenes, but remember to say END OF FLASHBACK at the end of the flashback.)
    In general, you certainly do have a gift for storytelling and crafting your characters. This is one script I ABSOLUTELY ENJOYED reading. I laughed with them and I cried with them, and I felt the joy for the characters at appropriate moments. Very, very well done! Please let me know when this gets a DVD release, as I certainly wants to see it!!

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