Emet
Like Bullworth, Emet’s what you call your equal opportunity Truthteller. The funny thing about Truth, though, is it’s so ofte...
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I would have been fine with just:
“A woman’s failed attempts to gain the lost love of her childhood results in revenge and murder.”
I like it, definitely has some originality to the theme. Logline format seems a little ling, but I feel it gets right to the point and doesn’t have any unnecessary fillers. Would love to read.
Uhmmm, not so sure about this logline. It seems a bit too long. Nice idea, though.
Sorry for saying this but I find this logline not well written. If you could say what you are saying with other words….
I did the stupidest thing! I had my first Mac fry. All scripts were on it…pulled scripts from sent email in PDF. Got a PC. had to convert to RTF. Then back to fdx when I got a new Mac. it created merge problems that I dint expect. Even the version of What Lies Within ….loaded here is messed up. I caught it before Development guy at studio got it……..thank God. Its fixed now.Im not a sloppy writer..slugs merged with dialogue blocks,…..Action blocks merged in dialogue…….nightmare! Ive earned to save everything as pdf,fdx,word..:P
didn”t expect
I think this need to be smoothed out a little bit. Once the logline sounds better, I might have more interest in the story. I found myself reading it a couple of times to try to make sense of it.
Somewhere in there is a good story. Forget unrequited love as the MO. Forget framing him for murder. They’ve been done. I like the idea that she messes with his mind – but why? figure out that answer, and you have your story. Maybe have him commit the murders. Maybe he really isn’t the good-guy afterall.
The script is long done…….. its “Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct, Blood Simple” What I did, hasn’t been done.much is misdirection..This Logline,….. just got a request for the script at Paramount….so I sent it..fingers crossed..Its tight..2 directors and any others critiqued it.It’s ripe.
There’s a good reason for the framing..not predictable
oops.my mistake……I just looked above at the log line I posted here.yes,Paramount got a different one…….”When a young woman’s desperate attempts at gaining the love of a childhood friend and colleague fail, she will stop at nothing short of framing him for murder, to immerse herself in his life.
They requested the script on my query with this log line.
But it is long. Very long.
This could be a really interesting story but the logline, as written, would not attract funding or a director. The idea would justify a complete rewrite of the logline.
Agree with the others, logline is a bit clumsy but the story sounds intriguing.
thnx Gary…….funny, but I rewrote it quickly because I was prompted to send a query in my car.didnt have the old log line handy…..the quick rewrite, got a bite…….:)
”When a young woman’s desperate attempts at gaining the love of a childhood friend and colleague fail, she will stop at nothing short of framing him for murder, to immerse herself in his life.
BUT the entire setup is misdirection………misdirection throughout……..IM NOT GIVING THAT AWAY IN A LOGLINE
Title suggests a sequel to “What Lies Beneath”. A trilogy could be rounded out with “What Lies On Top”.
Premise suggests “Basic Instinct” and “Young Adult” along with “Fatal Attraction”, a movie that seems like it will never stop spawning imitators.
So Lindsay Lohan may have her perfect come-back role. Kidding… Or am I?
nothing like “What Lies Beneath”..The female lead is written to a specific diagnosis. Nothing in the script is predictable.
NOT INTERESTING TO, BUT, INTERESTING TO SOMEONE AT PARAMOUNT
GOT A BITE YESTERDAY…..THNX THOUGH.YEAH.FIRST LOG LINE WAS TOO FAT.REDID IT IN A HURRY IN MY CAR……..THAT QUICKIE,,,WAS IN MY QUERY…WACKY HUH?
CORRECTION” NOT INTERESTING TO YOU, BUT INTERESTING TO……….
Who are HIS clients? Logline needs to be redone with clearer information.
I like the story. The logline could be more succinct though.
thnx,..did it lol.last minute because a producer friend thought his friend at Paramount would like it.so I wrote a quick Logline and sent it…….got a bite.
A spurned woman drives the man she obsesses for insane by bringing back haunting memories of his dysfunctional childhood and framing him for murder..
The story itself sounds interesting, though your logline is a bit long and clunky.
all good, fixed, attracted a request……..thnx Paul