Warrior And The Beast
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Concept
Story Structure
Character
Dialogue
Grammar
Budget (1-Low / 5-High)
Rating: 4.0/5 (3 votes cast)

Warrior And The Beast

A young man battles the goddess of war to save the world and restore the beauty of a princess in action packed retelling of Beauty and the Beast.

4 Comments

Leave A Reply
  1. February 14, 2014, 6:01 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Well done. Great story. Fun to read. Entertainment, period. Few typos and grammatical slips, but I am the worst culprit of all when it comes to that. I’m getting hints of influence from Terry Goodkind, and his Sword of Truth Series…? All I can say is, don’t let anyone force your hand into changing this story too much. Spelling, grammar, editing; yes. But a great story. And a new spin on an old fairy tale. The princess becoming the beast, and also taking up arms. Worse revamps of old tales have gotten multimillion dollar production greenlights (Snowwhite and the Huntsman). This is a fresh idea, and a story that fantasy enthusiasts will love. Clean it up. Shop it. Pitch it. Get it out there and get it made.

    Best of luck to you.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
    • February 14, 2014, 6:27 pm

      I just read the comment below mine (btw Simons ZERO DAY is pretty good). I have to say I disagree with a lot of it. I think I said the same thing in a comment on Simon’s page as well: “good artists imitate, but great artists steal”. So something resembles a scene form Star Wars. The first rope bridge to be cut in a story I am sure was ages before Luke Skywalker. The point is the emotion it evokes in someone who has ever stood on the middle of one of those things. The ropes coming undone or snapping is all you think about! And we watch Lord of the Rings, And Underworld: Rise of The Lycans knowing damn well Gandolf the white is going to show up with an army form the East at the last second to change the tides and help win the battle! These fantasies NEVER end with the world being swallowed into darkness by evil, that’s why they are called FANTASY! So keep all of that good shit! Just be careful, because while I don’t think George Lucas will be hitting you up for stealing ideas; if you haven’t heard of Terry Goodkind, you should read his series…the entire thing (as in all 11 books). Because he could very well wave a finger at this. He is one of the best fantasy writers out there and the kind of people who would want to see this will most assuredly be familiar with his work. EXAMPLES: Aiden parting ways to find a way to win the final battle off the battlefield, is a lot like what Richard Raul did in the final Book. The sword glowing only in defense/righteousness sounds a lot like the way Richards sword of truth functioned. Aiden being bewitched and slipping into a coma/dream state is a lot like what Nicci did to Richard in Faith of the Fallen. Leading the farmers and common folk into battle happened mutiple times in the series…etc.
      I don’t intend to scare you off your story, because I personally loved it and think the differences are far enough apart that you wouldn’t get any legal fallout, but if enough of those lines are drawn by the Fantasy audience it could become a negative cry of imitation form his (Terry Goodkind) fans. But like I said, your ideas are a refreshing spin on an old tale and much worse stories have gotten the green light, including a TV show called Legend of the Seeker, based on Terry’s book.

      Let me know if this gets sold. I want to audition!

      You have enough difference, I think

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
  2. January 19, 2014, 10:41 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    I enjoyed this script, despite not being a fantasy enthusiast. The dialogue is very strong and medieval, although it does occasionally lapse into modern speak – e.g. “Sure, no problem” on p22, “You’re welcome” on p36. There is also some repetition – e.g. on p71 – and a few spelling/grammar mistakes (e.g. calvary p82. distant the campfires p101, you suffering p113.)

    There are a number of scenes stolen from Star Wars (Jacob being cut down) and Raiders of the Lost Ark (cutting the rope bridge on p27) so you might want to use a little more imagination for these.

    For me, there were too many dreams used as exposition. They seemed a lazy way to provide motivation for your characters. The use of magic for transportation to the Oracles on p86 also seemed a bit of a cheat.

    There are also too many battles and the outcome of most of them was entirely predictable. The battle on p82 is covered in just a few lines. On-screen time would warrant more detail in the script. E.g. It would be more dramatic to see Kind Walton get killed by Simeon, not just arrive once the deed has been done.

    The logline suggests Aidan is motivated by the desire to restore Faith’s beauty. But he doesn’t realise she is under a spell until towards the end of the script, so the story doesn’t match the promise of the logline. I also found Aidan’s love for Faith unconvincing. Given her physical appearance, the story needs a much stronger motivation for Aidan to love her than Faith just being courageous.

    Overall, I think the biggest weakness is that throughout the whole story Aidan could slice through any warrior or beast who tried to attack him. It got very predictable by the end. He never seemed challenged. Giving him a weakness would provide more credibility to the story and genuine danger to Aidan. I predicted halfway through the script that he would walk unscathed from any battle, and indeed that was true throughout the whole script.

    Nevertheless, the dialogue was strong and generally true to the fantasy genre and this was one of the few scripts I have read on InkTip that did keep my attention. The budget required to make this film, however, would be astronomical.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  3. Profile photo of deniselandau
    September 13, 2013, 12:03 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    This was a surprisingly good screenplay. The story structure was very good and it moved the story along well. The beginning was a little hard to follow, but after a while, I got the hang of the magic involved in the story. The biggest shortcoming in the script is the serious SFX involved. This will be an expensive movie to make.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.