War Without Army More Images
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Rating: 1.5/5 (2 votes cast)

War Without Army

The mission to kill a freedom fighter, is transformed into a blood innocent massacre, by the order of a devilish military Colonel. Two boys left alive, will infiltrate into his cantonment to seek their father’s revenge.

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  1. Profile photo of marsed.harizi
    February 10, 2015, 3:42 am

    Hi OmarTucker, Wovalle,

    Since English is not my first language I have had some problems on that issue.
    I’m trying to do my best, but for sure I will take under consideration all your advices.

    Thank You
    and
    Good luck!

    Marsed

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  2. wovalle says
    January 2, 2015, 11:44 pm
    Overall
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    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    Almost impossible to read. There are some nice elements between characters that are interesting, but the writing suffers from poor grammar and long sections of dialogue. Also the use of directions is excessive, and shouldn’t be in the script at all. ANGLE ON gets used just about every other paragraph– I would highly recommend getting rid of all of these. Readers hate this on SPEC scripts, and should be saved only for SHOOTING scripts. Focus on your story and don’t worry about the CAMERA ANGLES. The script is also way too long, and the ending is an over-used and cheap device — would strongly consider changing it.
    All that said– we all right “rough” drafts, with work and a heavy rewrite this has potential.

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  3. Profile photo of OmarTucker
    OmarTucker says
    December 27, 2014, 9:44 pm

    This script is rife with spelling mistakes and brimming with grammatical errors. Dialogue is not written in a recognizable rhythm, lacks nuance and simply doesn’t read well.The paucity of white spaces is also a problem as it makes the text flow less like a screenplay and more like a first attempt at a novel. One should avoid this by not exceeding more that 5 lines per paragraph. You should also avoid giving overly specific camera directions. The script is full of these. Camera directions detract from the overall story and can also be subject to change on set. There are too many caps-locked words. Far too many. This cheapens the impact of what you are trying to emphasize.

    All in all, this script is very close to unreadable. This is a shame because the setting is quite powerful and the character development is strong, especially within the platoon. A hard rewrite is recommended. Or perhaps a second writer.

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  4. Profile photo of OmarTucker
    OmarTucker says
    December 27, 2014, 9:43 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    This script is rife with spelling mistakes and brimming with grammatical errors. Dialogue is not written in a recognizable rhythm, lacks nuance and simply doesn’t read well.The paucity of white spaces is also a problem as it makes the text flow less like a screenplay and more like a first attempt at a novel. One should avoid this by not exceed more that 5 lines per paragraph. You should also avoid giving overly specific camera directions. The script is full of these. Camera directions detract from the overall story and can also be subject to change on set.
    There are too many caps-locked words. Far too many. This cheapens the impact of what you are trying to emphasize.

    All in all, this script is very close to unreadable. This is a shame because the setting is quite powerful and the character development is strong, especially within the platoon. A hard rewrite is recommended. Or perhaps a second writer.

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