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Rating: 3.9/5 (4 votes cast)

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Thanks to the power of special magnetic waves awakened in him by an elderly woman, a down on his luck slacker suddenly gains the ability to will people into doing his bidding simply by giving orders.

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  1. July 3, 2013, 2:27 am
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    Awesome script man. I’ve been trying to read this for the past week and finally got a chance to. It was a great read. Everything just flowed so well. A few minor tweaks would be to change all the “et’ with “and”. Also, the “f’s”…a few times this is okay. Like when he is talking to Sofia. But the others I’d write out the actual curse word –Fuck.

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  2. Profile photo of george.kavalauskas
    July 2, 2013, 6:53 pm
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    This script was COOL! Very original concept! Could definitely use a spell check, and your formatting is a little off, as far as your emotions in caps, and stuff like that.

    Nice job on the characters as well. Sophia was strong, as well as the Edna Faith character.

    A nice read.

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  3. rhino4239 says
    June 24, 2013, 3:16 pm
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    This script was REALLY good. I read through it quite easily, and was extremely interested the whole time.

    Another film it reminded me of was “Scanners” from back in 1981, which is one of my favorite David Cronenberg films. And actually, your script is, in my opinion, is a lot like that movie in many ways. If it wasn’t for this, I think your concept would be much stronger.

    Dialogue was well writtten, but the grammar has some mistakes. For example, “et” is in place of “and” many times, some misspellings, and just general CAPS and CONT’D errors that you would use in one place, and not in other places. I would have someone, or some company, proofread your work with a fine comb. And also, if you’re going to use a curse word, then by all means, do it. Some times it’s VERY appropriate for the dialogue, instead of your many “what the f’s” that are in there. DROP THAT F BOMB! Ha ha!

    You had some nice hooks, like Sophia’s character. Imagery was very well done too.

    Overall, I think you did an awesome job, and definitely one of the better scripts I have read.

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  4. June 11, 2013, 6:13 pm

    I submitted my comments twice on the page. I see they took the ratings, but for some reason my comments aren’t posted.

    Ron

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