Finding It Hard
A story of three friends who all find themselves needing a vasectomy. Two of the characters are being pressured by their wive...
Verge
James and Joyce are a young couple in love in the 1940′s, but a missing poster in a shop window with their faces on it brings their perfect evening to a halt. When they attempt to find someone to question, the realization that their entire town is inexplicably abandoned and smothered in fog. Suddenly pursued by strange humanoids and even stranger lake creatures, the couples’ attempts to escape suddenly land them in the center of a crowded town square, covered in blood and rambling about the things they had been through, with the locals filming the mad couple on their smart phones. Their confusion about the date and what had happened lands James and Joyce in jail. Can they face the truth of what happened that forced them into such a twisted journey through time?
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Logline is too long, but it seems like a interestiong story.
Good luck.
This may have a great script, but a logline that’s a full paragraph will stop any reader in their tracks, because it signals there will be problems with the story.
Sorry to be harsh, but better that you hear it now. Chisel that paragraph down to a sentence. The best visual I can recommend is to check the movie descriptions on TV as you flip channels. A viewer doesn’t want to take more than 10 seconds to read it.
For me, it takes longer to write a logline than a synopsis, because you have to pick only the most essential of the essential. Keep plugging.
This is not a logline, it’s a synopsis and a very long winded one at that.
this sounds awesome, but you should have put this in the synopsisfest instead of the loglinefest.
This sounds like a great story but cut the logline in half. I would see this if it didn’t tell me so much.
Well, it started off as really intriguing, but then rambled on into something rather incoherent. I would shift gears here and trim the fat down to the bone and leave your readers wanting more rather than giving them more. This is supposed to be a logline contest.
In 1940, a young couple see a poster in a shop window with their faces on it. They attempt to find someone to question, but soon realize the entire town is inexplicably abandoned. What happens next is unlike anything they could have imagined.
To long, to long and to long,,and beyond…… it doesn’t have a hook, is more like a delirium, did you dream this last night?… maybe is clear in your head, but is not written crearly.. try again and try to do it short.
A paragraph… A whole goddam paragraph. This is a synopsis, not a logline. But the comments below explain this already.
The story sounds very interesting, just cut down the logline by about 80-90 percent.
Not a logline,it's too long. It's more of a synopsis. But the idea is workable.
Logline needs paring down. Consider the Twitter restriction: Try keeping it to 140 characters.
Logline is waaaaaaaaaaaaay to long. Concept too busy,…”humanoids and even stranger lake creatures”?
It sounds good just that this is a synopsis rather than a logline. It is intriguing and I would want to see this, just need more of a succinct version.
Brevity is definitely needed.
I’m a big fan of the Silent Hill game and the film, so you have me. Very powerful imagery and story at work here. That said, you can’t rely on everyone to be a fan of the material. This isn’t a logline. There is no hook here. Check out on imdb, the loglines for both of the films you reference. You don’t need to put everything that happens in your story into the logline, just the principal conflict is all that is needed. I would love to read the script if it’s ready. WP