Unemployment
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Story Potential
Hook
Rating: 3.5/5 (15 votes cast)

Unemployment

Chelsea is the first president who jointly forms the Group of Eight through circumstances of fate to reduce a disturbing factor of survival, ‘Unemployment’ in the New Millennium.

19 Comments

Leave A Reply
  1. Profile photo of NoahEragon
    NoahEragon says
    November 2, 2017, 2:21 am
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Its nice.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  2. Echaka95 says
    June 6, 2017, 12:57 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    i agree! has potentiak but needs more work. structure the story better! think what is the message? the point?

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  3. toojazzy says
    September 20, 2014, 2:00 pm

    Good concept, perhaps a bit more clarity about how unemployment plays such a pivotal role in this,,..unemployment= civil unrest, perhaps?

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  4. Profile photo of leeoconnor
    leeoconnor says
    September 19, 2014, 11:38 am
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Good concept but logline needs work.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  5. Profile photo of Danny
    Danny says
    October 2, 2013, 12:44 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    wow it is good story line.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  6. Profile photo of Rick-Hardin
    September 12, 2013, 7:41 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Sounds like a fun premise but It’s a little hard to follow and could stand some polishing. You need an antagonist it can’t just be fighting against unemployment it needs to be personified by a character, like the clerk at the unemployment office or may the president of a bid corporation. You definitely got something going here it just needs some polish.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
    • scripted says
      September 13, 2013, 12:54 pm

      I don’t think you understand the whole concept. for this already has its antagonists in the form of unemployment as a disturbing factor towards the group survival, which also led to their coming together with circumstances of fate to battle this antagonist in their life. I am not bothered in you rating me below others as that is only your own opinion.

      Anyway ..Good luck.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
  7. scripted says
    September 9, 2013, 2:46 pm

    I greet you all that voted and rated me not with any bias, except that i don’t understand the rating of ‘twenty4play99’. well i am okay with you all i thank you once again for your lovely votes and reviews .

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
    • September 9, 2013, 6:59 pm

      Simply this: A feature film that comes out say in summer to compete with all of the other Block Busters with the premise of “…‘Unemployment’ in the New Millennium.” sound like a documentary, i.g. BORING. Your billboard on SUNSET Blvd. with your tag line and title has to “HOOK” people. Everyone is not going to take time to find and read the screenplay, let alone pay to go see your movie. I think the premise is an interesting one. I’d check it because I am simply a fan of good film and politics, but the average consumer is NOT. And a “HOOK” of fighting unemployment in the new millennium is only going to capture a very small target audience of Political Science majors and CNN fans.

      COMPARE: Chelsea is the first president who jointly forms the Group of Eight through circumstances of fate, to reduce a disturbing factor of survival, in the New Millennium.

      It leaves a huge question and that means people will watch to find out. if you give away unemployment as the driving force, many will checkout just because you use that word and it doesn’t interest them. SAME exact line minus that word. If you can’t understand that I don’t know how else to explain. But it IS your story so it’s your world brother. Just trying to be clear with my explaination since you didn’t understand the rating on the HOOK.

      VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      Report user
  8. Profile photo of astern
    astern says
    August 24, 2013, 10:30 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    I like the idea of a group of individuals attempting to combat unemployment instead of every man for himself. Or the typical refer a friend for a job scenario. This could be a futuristic Robin hood you could go in many different directions. Best Wishes.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  9. August 22, 2013, 3:33 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Good logline, but like someone else in the above ratings stated, it si probably a mistake to put the title in the logline. I am not sure if their reason for saying that is technical or personal, but for me the word for word build is heading in the direction of something political and exciting in the vein of ENEMY OF THE STATE, or PATRIOT GAMES…and then the word Unemployment hits you like a pin deflating your balloon of excitement. I’d say something as simple as keeping it all the same and just taking out the “Unemployment” word would turn this into a perfect pitch for your story. Then just trust your writing to MAKE “Unemployment” a thrill ride for readers and hopefully viewers.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  10. Profile photo of rewrite
    rewrite says
    August 18, 2013, 1:13 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    I love the masses story of fighting for freedom in a place of living, may my interest, good enough to make a film,

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  11. Profile photo of dave
    dave says
    August 11, 2013, 6:29 am
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    YOU HAVE GOT ME CURIOUS……….

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  12. belw says
    July 10, 2013, 6:50 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    I think the logline opens up the imagination and lends itself to curiosity. I’d be interested in more… bela wolf

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  13. aweiss says
    July 9, 2013, 7:45 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    I agree about the logline saying more, as it stands now, this is an action/adventure film about unemployment. I think though, that if the logline were straightened out, this could have potential.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  14. June 27, 2013, 12:13 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Sounds like a good movie. But you could shorten it and more of a hook.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  15. darney says
    June 24, 2013, 3:28 am
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Solid idea, but the logline could be condensed. Not sure about having the title of the film in the logline. But overall it could be a winner as the potential is there.

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  16. June 7, 2013, 8:41 am
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    You probably should get more specific as in how much the Elite Eight intends to decrease the unemployment rate. This will only make it more powerful as in simply stating it.

    Also, the logline can be easily cut down by even more words by eliminating the president’s name, and possibly the New Millennium part.

    Overall, good concept and as long as the story is filled with rich characters and conflict, this should be a winner!

    Good luck

    Ron

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user
  17. scripted says
    June 5, 2013, 10:52 am
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    I believe this is a visionary screenplay,maybe is quite good and will be a lovely piece

    VN:F [1.9.17_1161]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    Report user

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.