The White Room
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Rating: 4.1/5 (5 votes cast)

The White Room

Blaise Wylde, a 20 year old Generation Y prototype, one day receives a call summoning him to a place that will question his world, the people around him and most importantly his deepest feelings.

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  1. Profile photo of UniverseEyes
    October 13, 2014, 8:44 am
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    I didn’t read the script, just minimizing effects from fake profile(TheBerg) attack …

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    TheBerg says
    October 11, 2014, 3:06 pm
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    I’m not 100% sure what this script was about or even where the writer was/is going with it, but it feels forced almost as if there is no story. As a producer I have to look at this as a re-write but one that first needs a story. A suggestion would be to consider what Hollywood is purchasing and optioning these days, films that have a series of mini-films within them. The single-subject film is a thing of the past. Good luck with this.

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  3. Joseph-Day says
    February 11, 2014, 4:45 pm
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    This is a pretty good sci-fi twist to the coming of age story. Some things that I think should be explained further in your next draft are clarifying what exactly the machine is (like where did it come from and who owns it) and also developing some sort of closure with John’s character. You don’t really clarify why John knows so much about Blaise and Tyler. I feel like you could tie both loose ends together by having the machine belong to John. The audience believes John to be bad, but he could have actually been trying to help Blaise the whole time possibly. Something to think about. I also feel that there needs to be some more time spent in the White Room.

    Your dialogue is pretty good with some pretty clever lines. However, I feel that you may need to dial back the homophobic comments a bit. You risk alienating people from your script when people are calling each other homos and faggets throughout. I’d suggest having one of your characters say gay slurs and have others around him tell him that it’s offensive. I feel that that is the only way to get by with it in today’s hyper-sensitive world.

    Grammar is decent, but could definitely use some polishing. There are a lot of missing apostrophes and commas throughout your script.

    Overall, I enjoyed the script. Good luck in the contest!

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    KFRED11 says
    October 30, 2013, 11:22 pm
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    I would say the script is an original & very relevant take on exploring the subconcious – I felt as confused as Blaise which left me feeling compelled to read on so it would all make sense to me.
    Enjoyed the humour & music references – BRAD (V.O) [Blaise, in the words of Phil Collins I’d just like to say; “Take a look at me noooooowww!”] pg 73. PISSA!
    This script drew me into the drama & made the mind tick!
    Hats off!

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  5. Profile photo of
    says
    September 19, 2013, 11:36 am
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    What I really liked most about this script is your ability to develop characters and make them relatable. Starting with Blaise – we’ve all felt like him at one point in our lives – stuck in a rut, feeling like your going nowhere, and watching the world pass you by because you never took a chance. We’ve all had friends like Tyler and Brad. You gave each of these three their own voice to the degree that by the middle of the script, if the names were blurred out I would still be able to identify who was speaking each line because of how clearly they were defined. To me this is the most important part of a script – defining characters – because as the audience we tend to root for those that we can relate to. You even gave the little characters (i.e. Tyler’s Grandfather) personalities which was great.
    I also thought you had a really good set-up and used the perfect scenes to bring us into Blaise’s world – the partying and drugs, his shitty job, etc. You also held out long enough with explaining what was going on in the White Room. As a reader, I felt like I was on the journey with Blaise because I was just as confused as he was, yet I was overly curious and anxious to keep reading to find out what was going on. I could identify with Blaise because of how curious he was.
    The use of Freud was a good idea too because he is an interesting part of history that everyone knows, but not everyone is really aware of his research, and you introduced a few educational lessons that people could take away from the story.
    Just a little constructive criticism – I felt like the scene of Blaise bringing Tyler into the White Room is too short. My advise would be a little more beginning in which Tyler is both amazed and confused and is asking a million questions, and then all of a sudden his memory of his parent’s death pops up.
    I also felt that when Tyler says in the bar ‘It’s like your subconscious telling you something’ and whatnot about the subconscious telling Blaise that he belongs with Erin – this happens a little too soon – it’s on page 60, so as the reader I felt as though I already knew the ending with 30+ pages left to read. It’s not that it’s a bad thing for people to have an idea of where the story is going to go, but I think you need to build to this a little more rather than have a character come out and say it.
    Finally, the ending – I do like that he gets together with Erin in the end, but I felt like there were a few holes. For instance, what happens with John – as I was reading I figured he was going to be in the conclusion and we would discover his motivation. It’s not really clear to me why he had the shrine of Blaise, and his character doesn’t really have any closure. Also in the ending – ok Erin comes back and they get together, but you address earlier that why their relationship didn’t work in the first place was that Blaise was hesitant to leave Apache and get on with his life. I feel like that really hasn’t changed – he still has his shitty job at the video store, he hasn’t made a plan to go to college or move or pursue something meaningful. Are the two of them planning on just living in Apache while Blaise works at the store and they live happily ever after? I think you need to drop some sort of hint as to what the next step is for Blaise, just to show that he’s planning on doing something – the lack of which was his problem all along. He kind of reminds me of Justin Long’s character in Waiting – he hates his job and wants to do bigger things, and then at the end of the movie he quits. It tells the audience that he is committed to bettering himself and pursuing something meaningful. You may want to try this route of just having Blaise quit is job, so we know he’s ready for the next chapter in his life.
    Overall, I really liked the story.It is very well-crafted and It was a page turner – it kept me interested in the characters, the white room, and the journey. I also like how it was a good story that could be done with a minimal budget. Good luck with it I really think it has potential to be a great film.

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