The Uncles – Love is Love More Images
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The Uncles – Love is Love

On the eve of their 50th anniversary dinner, Uncles Mark and Robert, help their family come to terms with alcoholism, an issue threatening to destroy a beloved nephew.

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  1. RikerBear says
    August 17, 2015, 1:31 pm

    I’ve done another edit and taken a lot of your suggestions to heart – not only does it flow better but you saved me 12 pages of ‘crap’! Thank you!
    New edit has been uploaded
    Thank you again

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  2. RikerBear says
    August 17, 2015, 10:42 am

    Thank you! These are wonderful notes – looks like I have some more work to do

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  3. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    August 17, 2015, 3:26 am

    These are the major formatting problems:

    (1) Don’t highlight your master scene headings. Don’t even make them “bold”, you have your margins to let them stick out. On possibility is to first use a master scene and then use secondary scene headings. Also see http://www.keepwriting.com/tsc/slugsandbeats.htm

    (2) Don’t use camera angles, at least not like this:

    QUICK 10 TO 20 SECOND SHOT – DISNEY SPRINGS BRIGHTLY LIT AT NIGHT
    QUICK 5 TO 8 SECOND SHOT – CLOSER IN OF THE BOARDWALK AREA
    QUICK 3 TO 5 SECOND SHOT – CLOSER STILL – BRIGHTLY LIT RESTAURANT

    I just made it to intensive care and only just survived to do some much needed revisions. Yes, the first and the last page you may use camera angels for impact (for obvious reasons) , but use them smart.

    EXT – ORLANDO FLORIDA DISNEY SPRINGS – YEAR 2033 – NIGHT

    SUPER:

    “”Year 2033”

    Disney Springs is brightly lit.at night.

    THE BOARDWALK AREA

    It’s full of people walking………. Some enter a

    BRIGHTLY LIT RESTAURANT

    Blblbla

    (3)

    EXT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

    CAR ARRIVES OUTSIDE BRIGHTLY LIT RESTAURANT – WALT DISNEY WORLD “Disney Springs” – VALET PARKING STRUCTURE

    After your master scene headings you Always get at least one action line. But not your line. Better (but not perfect) is:

    EXT – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

    A car arrives at the parking structure lit by a neon sign board that says: “Disney Springs”.

    Don’t use:
    a) “BRIGHTLY LIT” , you already told that earlier on
    b) I guess you don’t have to use WALT DISNEY WORLD when you already use Disney Springs. It’s a ‘double’ we don’t need.

    PASSENGER AND DRIVERS CAR DOORS OPEN – TWO MEN EMERGE

    This is not a secondary scene heading but should be a normal scentence so you must end it with a a period. Just write:

    Passenger and drivers car doors open two man emerge.

    The same with:

    VALET ATTENDANT LOOKING VERY UNCOMFORTABLE etc.

    (4)

    You as less “CUT TO” as possible. It can get the reader out of the story and IT SAVES YOU PRESIOUS SPACE.
    If you use it put “CUT TO” at the right side of the page. You variant is not allowed. Just right it like:

    VALET ATTENDANT
    Here’s your claim ticket sir

    Attendant attempts to hand Marcus the ticket.

    ROSS
    We’re not even late, so calm down……

    MARCUS
    So typical.

    ROSS
    (re: typical)
    Yes, you are —

    VALET ATTENDANT Sir? Your ticket…. And keys?

    When dialog is interrupted use the (–) sign.

    (5)

    Don’t put “© 20154” on every page. That’s only for the title page and is often not even used because you are already copyright protected by you name – as in written by – on the title page.

    (6)

    Your story ends at page 23, and then there only is an endless white space…

    When I find the time I’m going to read the story.

    Rutger

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  4. Profile photo of MarsAlien
    MarsAlien says
    August 15, 2015, 9:38 pm

    Fix the format and edit the whole thing, and I’ll give it a shot.

    The logline is too vague, but I’m only guessing by the picture next to the logline. And if it’s about what I think it’s about, then I would like to read it. But not while it’s poorly formatted and 142 pages long. The latter is a bad sign for poor editing or no editing. I’m just not very optimistic at this point. Sorry.

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