The Stolen Waters Of Bethesda
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The Stolen Waters Of Bethesda

Biblical healing waters and antiquities bring a faithless, disrespectful engineer fame, danger, consternation and love. Based on a novel authored by Christopher Baldwin.

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  1. February 2, 2014, 10:11 am
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    Some things to rework: dialogues (too long sometimes to make them real ) and plot (agree with Aweiss). But sure I’m not a religious man, sorry.

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  2. Dimastiy88 says
    January 27, 2014, 4:53 am
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    Well it is not easy to discuss theme about religion and God, but if you wonna do it try to make it much more deeper. You had to write more about Muslims: their history, their life positions and vision of life. This screenplay is for very wide group of people, more religious people.

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  3. aweiss says
    September 23, 2013, 8:03 pm
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    I’m not in a position to comment on the religious aspects of the screenplay, being a secular Jew, but I will say this, it seems like this film would appeal very much to a faith based film production company, or a manager who handles faith based films. And pointing out in effect, that real Muslims are not terrorists, makes me cheer, as does making the point that Black as well as white people deserve the miracles Richard performs. I totally agree with both.

    So I will comment on the screenwriting/plot aspects of the screenplay. While I like this overall, and the concept very compelling, the plot could use a little more conflict, it’s a little too easy how Richard comes to believe in God, make it a bit harder for him. Some of the plot is not really believable, I can’t imagine the Queen, and any president of the US acting the way they do. I think if Richard healed strictly ordinary people the script would have more truth, as my Christian friends have made it clear to me that Jesus preferred either people who are ordinary, and the sick or destitute, which is why I like Rachel so much.

    While there is a three act structure, the act breaks could be stronger. Formatting in the main is fine, as is spelling/grammar, some minor formatting issues, like don’t use later to advance time, just day or night to tell the camera people what type of light to shoot in, and don’t say, “Look,” use any other synonym, as the audience does not want to be told what to “Look” at. I did both when I was first learning to write screenplays myself, and having professional coverage told me otherwise. I suggest some for you too, it is always valuable to have a working pro give you feedback, and I have learned much from professional coverage. Two companies I recommend are Coverage Ink and Script Pipeline, I’ve used both, and they are very good. So I wish you much luck and all the success in the world with your screenplay.

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