The Still Life of Cornelius
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Rating: 3.4/5 (1 vote cast)

The Still Life of Cornelius

The heir to a family fortune becomes obsessed with the origins of Still Life in the Baroque period, unaware of a conspiracy to steal his wealth.

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  1. aweiss says
    December 26, 2013, 2:27 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    I liked this very much. Formatting okay, although I suggest a good style guide to tighten that up, Coverage Ink has a good one really cheap, and I rely on that one the most myself. Structure good, although I suggest Save the Cat for some tightening on that too, as while the pacing is solid, the rest was a bit loose. No typos that I can see. We do get a sense of the characters, and the world you have them is also solid, but maybe setting this right after WW2 might make everything even more believable.

    What I had a problem with is that the plot overall is contrived, as is the dialog. I know you want this to be farce, but the strain of trying shows. let the satire flow from the characters, not from the plot, otherwise you get something called “plot driven” which is another way of telling not showing. Show more, tell less, and I think you’ll have the movie you’re trying for. And everything is so solid all around that I don’t think it’ll take much to do this. You’ve made a great start, so just go for the rest. I hope these note help, and much luck and success to you.

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