The Spotted People
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Rating: 2.9/5 (3 votes cast)

The Spotted People

An atheistic housewife finds relief from the tedium of middle class life when she moves to the country, communes with the dead through exotic flowers and has affairs, one of which is with her own husband, through the influence of two impassioned ghosts.

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  1. Profile photo of adriennerealestateagent
    February 14, 2014, 12:01 am

    The main idea is good but there are a few things that I might look at if I were the writer. The Relationship between Duane and Molly seems very damaged before any of the action takes place. It may work better if you watch Duane de-evolve. Also, Molly seems very weak initially and makes her tough to cheer for.

    Not to sound prude bit there is an extreme amount of sex in this. I would consider eliminating any “extra” sex scenes. Sure some of it is necessary but it becomes a distraction. Finally, the neighbors seem extraneous. I don’t know that the piece wouldn’t be better served without them entirely. Keep working on this. The idea is sound.

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  2. Profile photo of chrisliam
    chrisliam says
    February 13, 2014, 12:05 am
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    There were great positives and negatives about this script. I liked the ‘friendship’ between Calista and Molly feels organic. Similarly, the Relationship between Jazz and Duane mirrors that of their female counterparts. I liked the story’s arc and the smaller conflicts leading towards the inevitable larger one.

    There are problems and inconsistencies, however. First of all, and the most off putting to me was Jazz. He is stated to be “black as pitch” and a “large Caucasian man”. As I was reading it, the discrepancy was confounding as race is a big part of what is being accomplished. Another inconsistency is Molly being put off by Jazz’s treatment of Calista yet is in what could be deemed an abusive relationship herself. The relationship between Duane and Molly never feels right and it weakens Molly as a character as she is willing to continually make love with a man who treats her like garbage.

    I liked the script but inconsistencies and formatting issues would lead me to offer that this needs to be seen as a work in progress rather than something completely finished. Keep with it. If has the bones of something intriguing.

    One final thought. Someone else offered that the constant chewing of flowers was distracting. I felt the same way. I would personally prefer to see that the ‘possession’ of the characters has as much to do with the property and it’s history than being somewhat drug addled.

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  3. Joseph-Day says
    February 1, 2014, 6:23 pm
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    I felt like there was a lot of unneeded exposition in the dialogue. For example, when Molly says, “Our new home close by?” No one would say that. Realistically, someone would probably say something like, “Are we close?” or “How much farther?” and the audience would eventually figure out that they are moving in to a new house. I saw this type of issue throughout your screenplay.
    The grammar and format was pretty good with only a few noticeable errors. Your writing is visual, but tends to be overwritten at times. Referencing The Screenwriter’s Bible, no paragraph of narrative description should exceed four lines in length.
    The story itself never really intrigued me and some of the characters’ interactions seemed unbelievable.
    My advice would be to keep rewriting it. Fixing the exposition problems will do wonders for your script.

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  4. Profile photo of Markgr
    Markgr says
    September 4, 2013, 5:41 pm
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    Dear Author, what follows is a list of comments on issues that jump out for me, rather than a fully fleshed out critique.

    What I must mentione right off the bat, is that scene headings need to be reworked. I understand what the logic in the script is, but I find it more appropriate to mark any change in location, even if we are in the same scene, with INT. or EXT. and so. It makes the script easier to shoot, estimate the budget, and so on.

    There are some great visuals in the script, especially when they involve the true “spotted people,” e.g. when Calista and Jazz suddenly replace Duane and Molly, or the visual clues you give us by NOT showing Calista.

    Overall, I felt there were many scenes involving flower chewing. At some level, this felt somehow silly, and I wondered if there might be a better way to show that they are under the flower’s influence. Unfortunately, nothing springs to mind at the moment.

    In general, I feel the script can be trimmed down; it takes a while after Jazz’s murder to find some zest in the story, it feels like the storytelling deflates a little.

    Another point that could be cut out is the flashback at the very end. I missed the point of that one.

    Speaking of the end, the very final scene surprised me and I think it works very well.

    What felt somewhat inorganic to the story flow was the involvement of Tim and his family. They have a function in the story, but don’t add so much meaning (except for his mother’s remark that the weeds “take over” if you’re not careful.)

    Last thing I would mention is that I was not so convinced with Duane’s character progression. He is extremely easily swayed by Jazz, and while we get an excellent feeling for the dynamics between Molly and Calista, Jazz and Duane’s dynamic remains flat.

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