The Sender
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Rating: 3.0/5 (6 votes cast)

The Sender

A young girl begins investigating about mysterious murders happening in her city after she realizes that they are connected to the weird emails she was constantly receiving from an unknown sender.

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    1. cla777 says
      January 8, 2015, 12:01 am
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      Sounds like a good mystery.

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    2. Profile photo of raydavenport
      January 1, 2015, 4:29 pm
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      Now this may be a terrific horror movie, yes it does sound like the film ONE MISSED CALL, I saw that movie. Or the film PULSE. But this sounds like a good story here, good luck!

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    3. SW63 says
      December 24, 2014, 11:35 am
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      The first bit – the bit that needs to be snappy to hook the reader – is too long.

      “Jennifer, a sweet 15 year old girl, lives a normal happy life but everything turns upside down when she starts receiving weird e-mails from an ‘ Unknown ‘ sender”

      It could be, “a sweet teenager girl receives troubling emails from a stalker”.

      NOTE – don’t use numbers for ages (fifteen year old would be fine) is the specific age important? It could limit the producers willing to option because fifteen year old actors have to be schooled, chaperoned, etc.

      “starts receiving” should be “receives”

      Why does SHE investigate the matter? Does she not trust the police? Does she fancy herself as a detective? Does she suspect someone close to her?

      How does she work-out the deaths are connected to the emails?

      Is she next? Does she get set-up to become a suspect? The reader needs to have some indication of what’s at stake for the girl, otherwise there is no tension and a story with no tension is not going anywhere.

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      • Profile photo of BushyBooo
        BushyBooo says
        February 19, 2016, 5:43 am

        Thank you for your advice. I’ve worked on my new logline. What do you think?

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      1rainman1 says
      November 30, 2014, 1:59 pm

      I agree with toojazzy. It needs some work.

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    5. toojazzy says
      November 29, 2014, 5:45 pm
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      Rewording it for smoother flow will make it easier to follow. A few questions to ask: How are things turned upside down? Weird emails? Clarify ….and things should go smoothly

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      • Profile photo of BushyBooo
        BushyBooo says
        November 30, 2014, 3:59 am

        Thanks a lot
        it’s like the mails are having information about the next victim’s death. So she finds them weird as first but then starts investigating on them to save the next victim :)
        P.S : it’s already published as a novella on Amazon. I was just trying out something new

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      BushyBooo says
      November 29, 2014, 10:59 am
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      .

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    7. November 28, 2014, 11:04 am
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      Your grammar is awful. The plot makes no sense. If the “mails” lead to “deaths”, then who are “the people” being saved? And it’s too long to be a logline, for the little bit of info given here.

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      • Profile photo of BushyBooo
        BushyBooo says
        November 28, 2014, 11:55 am

        Hi. That’s alright if you don’t like it. Thanks for your opinion though :)
        This is already self published as a novella. I was just trying out something new, to see people’s views. I know I need to improve a lot. Thanks for your review.

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