The Screener
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Rating: 3.4/5 (3 votes cast)

The Screener

Perennial underachiever Stuart Lambly lives on the sidelines watching the girl of his dreams slip through his fingers because he has no game. Until now. Stuart lands a mind blowing dream job with the world’s biggest rock star and wakes up in a world of money, sex, swag and power. Just as he finally breaks through the friendship zone with his longtime crush, Stuart fears that how he got there is the very reason why he won’t be able to stay. His sworn enemy and epic bitch Porsche Cayola clashes with his best friend Teller Felcher as Stu tries valiantly to slay his Dragon, get the girl and live happily every after.

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  1. Profile photo of normanwilliam
    October 25, 2012, 2:01 am
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    I must admit I wasn’t sold on the logline, but after reading the script I think this could work. You’ll need to tighten up on character arc, growth and change. look at adding more inner conflict, but otherwise the comedy elements are great and you have a good knach for dialogue.

    Good job man.

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      malakas says
      October 26, 2012, 1:58 pm

      Thanks! You’re probably right about the inner conflict part. Although there’s plenty of it, perhaps it could be expressed better for sure now that you mention it.

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    malakas says
    September 18, 2012, 1:49 am
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    I absolutely HATE to rate my own screenplay (even though its spposed to be OK to do so) but I had to cancel out an extremely negative review just because someone doesn’t like the kind of script it is.

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    jjcj3113 says
    September 18, 2012, 12:23 am
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    I don’t like giving bad reviews, but there are times that it is necessary.

    I don’t even know where to start on this one… So I’ll just sum it up in a few comments…

    I can’t imagine any female reading this will find anything appealing about it. So right there you have lost half your audience. This reminded me of a very bad porno movie.

    It was completely unrealistic and unbelievable. There was nothing likable about the characters and I can’t imagine this appealing to any actors.

    Sorry, I suggest you do a complete rewrite and get rid of all the porn, unless that is the kid of movie you are trying to write.

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      malakas says
      September 18, 2012, 1:46 am

      I don’t like giving bad feedback to a bad review, but there are times that it is necessary.

      It was never meant to be on Lifetime nor was it meant to be the tragic backstory to The Pianio or whatever. Its a balls out R rated comedy. It was meant to push the limits and was never, ever, meant to be a movie for “everyone.” Ever hear of Hangover? Watch this scene http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfOPVDYE744 then add up the foul language and even full frontal male nudity, which you never see, and the ultra vulgar subject matter. That’s just one 2 minute scene in a movie full of that.

      Superbad, where a girl menstruates on a guy’s leg? American Pie, where a kid puts his crank into a pie? Or a huge blob of jizz was actually shown flying, in slow motion, across the room, landing on a picture of someone’s parents? Or someone drinking a beer with jizz in it? Something About Mary where she had a huge blob of jizz hanging in her hair? Road Trip, where a girl stimulates a guy’s prostate to get him off? The laguage from any of the Clerks films? You probably would have 1 starred all of those had you read them instead of seen them. I mean do you even watch movies? And this didn’t show any penetration or bodilly fluids and the nudity is up to you anyway. Yeah people have sex in it (the character is a sex screener, which should have tipped you off) but again it depends on how you chose to direct it. Pretty lame of you to accuse me of “writing porn” when it was you who was directing it to maximum sexual potential in your mind.

      Also a large portion of what you “see” on screen while reading a script depends on how you choose to visualize it. If someone is naked, the camera can show anything from full frontal to topless to almost G rated depending on how that scene was shot. Its cool that you don’t like vulgarity in humor, so save yourself some angst and don’t try to visualize everything to its maximum erotic potential. I’d hardly call it “porn” as there was absolutely nothing written to “show” penetration or “arcing ropes of jizzum” (don’t kill the messenger, that was a line from Zack and Miri Make a Porno, a movie that also “showed” anal sex and diarrhea all over someone’s face and was filled with vulgar language. This had nothing like that, yet still did have content and language (was it really more vulgar than Clerks or any number of movies? Snowballing anyone? I mean really?) I guess those are all pornos too?

      Or maybe you just need to watch better porn.

      Every script needs many rewrites, and this one has had several, and I realize that everything is a work in progress. But it will NOT be getting a rewrite to alter the general nature of the content just because someone doesn’t “like that kind of movie” or whatever. I strongly disagree that the characters aren’t likeable, but I suspect by the time you got far enough to get to know them and the dymanics between them you had already been grossed out or whatever and knew you were going to 1 star it to prove your point and get your critique on.

      As for your little poor female martyrdom angle, the whole point of all that gosh darned naughty stuff was to highlight a normal “nice guy” being thrust (yeah that’s right) into a world of extreme vulgarity, watching as it ends up causing HIM pain and loss, not knowing how to undo it and trying to resolve the situation as everything falls down around him, precicely because of the vulgar world he finds himself in. But there’s no character or growth arc in that I guess.

      And you do seem to like to give bad reviews. Over half your reviews are 1 or 2 stars overall, although when you do like something you straight 5 it all the way, which is cool I guess. You’re extremely opinionated, which again is fine, but slamming a screenplay just because you don’t like that aspect of it was shallow and pedantic. Indeed.

      I’m sorry you didn’t like it, and although I do think your review was incredibly narrow minded, inaccurate and unfair, I accept it because that’s the biz. Have a good one.

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        jjcj3113 says
        September 20, 2012, 12:07 pm

        if you are going to be a writer you need to realize that what works for you doesn’t necessarily work for everyone.

        I just didn’t find demeaning women and making them sluts and sex objects appealing. I try to given honest feedback and I stand by my previous rating. I don’t give all 1’s and bad feedback as you state. At least I gave you a couple of 2’s, I thought that was generous. What more do you want?

        Perhaps I am completely off base and others will love your story. I hope so.

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