The Road To Jubilee More Images
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Rating: 3.8/5 (7 votes cast)

The Road To Jubilee

Jubilee is a talented singer/songwriter who grew up in the tragic shadow of her mother, the nearly famous Honky Tonk singer Daisy Picket. When Jubilee goes on tour to help manage an up and coming Rockabilly band, she discovers that she is the real star, but that she may have to be willing to go it alone in order to shine.

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  1. Yopauly75 says
    January 8, 2013, 9:55 pm

    Overall I thought this was a good read. It really wasn’t the type of story I’m normally interested in but I found it entertaining. You’re dialouge was well done. I think at times you were WAY too descriptive. Especially in the first five pages. These pages are so critical when a judge or studio exec is reading your script. You need the story and the dialogue to start up SUPER FAST. Personally I would have liked to see the script start right when she’s being introduced on stage. I think the dialougue that followed was really good and would be a perfect to start to a good story.

    There are several camera directions that should be removed ASAP as well, but overall I think you did a good job . . . maybe six pages too long but that’s just my opinion.

    Good luck to you!

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  2. allymay says
    August 2, 2012, 2:32 pm

    I am very happy to have made it into the finals with this script. A later version, with typos corrected and structural improvements, has also made it into the quarterfinals of Scriptapalooza.

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  3. Profile photo of
    says
    July 14, 2012, 8:26 pm
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    This was a refreshing screenplay to read given that it has a female lead and a strong emotional track, which I like in films. I really like the concept and can see it as movie, easily. It has a great plot and a fair amount of conflicts to keep the film going. There were times when I thought the story got a little too sobby (like when she meets her mother’s ex-boyfriend) but overall, I thought it was well written. In terms of technical feedback, I recommend changing the multiple scenes you have on pages 64 and 83 and writing them as a montage under one scene heading. There were also a few typos and some exposition in a few of your action lines that were a little redundant. Lastly, I’m not so sure about he love triangle between Jube, Finn and Wes. Why does she fall for Wes? I thought she was in love with Finn? I like that the film is original in that she doesn’t “get the boy” in the end, but it would have been nice to at least see a real big heartbreaking scene or deep love scene that would establish how Jubilee really felt. They never really got into except for a quick love making scene and a lot of back and forth flirting. Just something to think about, but like I said, I really liked your concept and story line. In fact, that is the reason why I’m taking the time to give you the critical feedback in the hopes that you’ll tighten it up bit. I would love it if you could take a look at my screenplay Wild Ambitions as well since you too are a female writer with a lead female role like in my story. Critical feedback from you in particular would be greatly appreciated. Good luck to you.

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  4. says
    July 2, 2012, 9:37 am
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    This is a good story and told in a very linear, well-written way. At points, I, personally would’ve liked to see more of the story being told through the dialogue and a little less descriptive action, but other than that – a great read!

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    • allymay says
      July 28, 2012, 1:30 pm

      Thank you for the constructive criticism and the nice comments as well, it really does help.

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    says
    June 24, 2012, 7:58 pm
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    I really enjoyed it. The characters were strong. There was good dialogue. It moved me at the end. I’d like to see as a movie.

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    • allymay says
      July 28, 2012, 1:28 pm

      Those are really nice comments, thank you so much. I have written a another version, I think it’s better now and I think I’ve corrected all the typos and mistakes.
      Thanks again.

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  6. allymay says
    May 23, 2012, 5:25 pm
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    Votes

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  7. ssabatino says
    May 21, 2012, 2:07 am
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    It’s hard for me to review this script without soundng harsh. It is a predictable and thin story. There dialogue is virtually absent. You tell too much of the story in your action sequences. That is why you lack character development. I did not have a clear understanding of who Jubilee really was. She cursed like a longshoreman, but was shy up on stage. She was tough in her management and interactions with the guys in the band, yet she didn’t have enough gumption to demand a spot – which she did want. That much, I got. Jubilee’s arc was weak. You started out showing us a disturbing scene of drug abuse in the presence of a child. That should have been the beginning of the character’s motivation throughout the story. I kept hoping you would bring Daisy back, but it wasn’t until page 44 that she was even mentioned again. That’s too long to wait for a revisiting of your all-important opening scene, even if you really didn’t revisit. That is where the road to Jubilee hit a dead end.
    You would have a much better story if you paralleled Jubilee’s journey against Daisy’s. There is a lot of juice there. You can go several ways with compare/contrast. Show us more flashbacks of the two of them together before the drug abuse. Show us how really talented the mom was, so that we can judge Jubilee.
    This was The Wizard of Oz for me. From the journey with the cast of characters, all the way to banging on the back door of the night club – trying to get the doorman to find her name on the list, and the final reunion with Auntie Emm (Molly) made the story quite PG. Take out the profanity and you have a kid movie. You might want to go that route. Even so, you would still have to develop your characters.
    Lots of punctuation errors and typos. You need to proof read more closely.
    If I were you, I’d go back to the first 5 pages and take a different road from there.

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    • allymay says
      July 28, 2012, 1:35 pm

      I appreciate you taking the time to read my script and the constructive criticism.

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    abright says
    May 17, 2012, 8:36 pm

    Beautiful, well written, engaging. I really enjoyed reading this and if it were made well I know I’d enjoy watching it. I love a strong female lead.

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    • allymay says
      May 19, 2012, 1:11 pm

      Abright,
      Thank you for the kind words on my screenplay. I’m glad you found jubilee to be strong, I’ve gotten a lot of mixed idea’s on her. Guys generally have found her to be to passive, and most of the women that have read it have thought her to be strong.
      Would you consider giving the script a star rating? I would appreciate it very much.
      And i will be happy to reciprocate reading anything you have as well.
      Thanks again,
      Ally

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    • allymay says
      July 28, 2012, 1:31 pm

      Thank you very much for the kind words. I have re-written it (again, 7th draft) I think it’s much better now.

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    tonyr says
    May 17, 2012, 5:15 pm

    This is a great read. Has a good hook right on page 1. The story moves along in a logical way and is told visually. There could be a little more character development.

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    • allymay says
      May 19, 2012, 1:07 pm

      Tony,
      Thanks for the kind words. Do you think I could bother you to give my script a star rating? I would appreciate it very much.
      Ally

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        tonyr says
        May 23, 2012, 8:07 pm
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        allymay, tried to rate it again, but still getting an error. Sorry

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  10. allymay says
    May 17, 2012, 4:42 pm

    These are my thoughts, I’d love to hear yours

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      tonyr says
      May 17, 2012, 5:13 pm

      I think you’re off a bit on your assessment. I didn’t spot to many grammatical errors, so I’d give you 4 stars there. I think concept, structure and dialogue are all great, so 5 stars on those. Where I think you need to focus your rewrite is building out the b characters a bit more. Jubilee could be deepened a bit too. But, over all, great job.

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