The Right Moment More Images
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Rating: 3.1/5 (5 votes cast)

The Right Moment

This short film is a 10 minute comedy-drama about a man in his early thirties who tries to give up smoking, but unwittingly chooses to try this at the same time his girlfriend splits up with him, with painfully funny and ironic consequences, including an unfortunate encounter with a lamp post…

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  1. Profile photo of lawrence.bergman
    December 4, 2016, 8:38 pm
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    The concept really seemed to lend itself more to a comedy and yet the drama is more prevalent. I’d love to see this mined more for meaningful laughs.

    Good luck!

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  2. mfardy says
    April 5, 2016, 1:43 pm
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    I like the idea and the dialogue is very natural and not distracting. Seems like it could be cut down considerably. The scenes feel a bit drawn out without much of a payoff. I think viewers might see what is happening too quickly so introducing a twist a bit earlier might keep interest more effectively. Great concept and start though there’s definitely something here!

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  3. DevilDog says
    December 22, 2014, 3:32 pm
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    interesting point, however not too grown into substance. I found the concept humor funny, but the delivery was so-so.

    I didn’t enjoy the ending, but I did enjoy the reality.

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  4. December 22, 2014, 12:20 am
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    I liked the story. I felt it had a good pace. I think you should go with the alternate ending. I didn’t see much of the comedy as I did the drama. I feel bad that he is trying hard in life and coming up short. Maybe give him something to fight back with. A note he makes about her cheating, the taxi driver says she is seeing someone. Maybe the nurse says that his GF is pregnant?

    I liked it love.

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  5. grossmusic says
    December 21, 2014, 9:15 pm
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    Great concept, but short on delivery. Check out BBC formatting guidelines. It should essentially be formatted just like a Hollywood script, but currently doesn’t meet any widely accepted standards for UK or US.

    The idea & some of the situation are set up to be funny. If it’s a comedy – make it funny – every single page of a short needs to bring out a laugh, especially page 1. Lots of missed opportunities. We never really get to the heart of Daniel. A good blindside at the end. Again – opportunity for it to be funnier (either more painful or more poignant), but the surprise is wonderful.

    Never offer an alternate ending. Pick one & go with it. Unfinished works are a turnoff. I never read past the word “alternative”…& most decision makers won’t either.

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