The Peace Line
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Rating: 2.7/5 (3 votes cast)

The Peace Line

A walk to school turns horribly wrong for a group of Catholic families.

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  1. TGVSpeed says
    August 17, 2014, 9:34 pm
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    It’s interesting to read from the perspectives of other cultures and actually understand what the writer was trying to say and how they are trying to say it. I enjoyed this script and looked ahead as seeing it as a BBC series or an MOW. As you may have noticed, instead of picking the script apart like a holiday turkey, I decided instead to focus on the ‘real’ value of the script, the story.

    Keep practicing on your writing, the structural pieces will begin to fall in place the more you work at it.

    Well done, Lee.

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      leeoconnor says
      August 18, 2014, 4:37 am

      Hi Marv,

      Thanks for the read and feedback.
      I’m currently still working on this piece, this is but a taste of what the feature will be about.
      This is a true story of the struggles in Ireland and on this one particular day of rioting whilst walking to school it actually turned into weeks and only got worse.

      Thanks

      Lee

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  2. August 17, 2014, 8:03 pm
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    I don’t think this type of story concept has any value in the Independent film industry or commercial value other than to the writer and those who care to read his script.

    Not my cup of tea…

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      leeoconnor says
      August 18, 2014, 4:27 am

      Hi Abel,

      Thanks for the comments and read.

      I’m not here to make enemies and in no way do I have personal vendetta against you but I can’t help but see that this is a bitter comment as I have gave you constructive criticism against yours.

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  3. August 8, 2014, 6:48 pm

    Hi Lee,

    On second thought, the violence does seem plausible. The world is crazy, isn’t it? Lol. I got the sense from the story that you’re from the U.K. and the story takes place there. I’m from the U.S. and Protestants and Catholics don’t battle like this, at least not on the news. Maybe they do and it’s not covered… If you’re not from the U.K. and its not set there, then I apologize.

    The piss-filled water balloons have left a lasting impression on me. I read this much earlier, and I’m still thinking about how much that would suck to be hit by one, lol.

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      leeoconnor says
      August 9, 2014, 5:17 am

      Hello again Ben,

      Unfortunately this is not the only dispute in Northern Ireland, there are many more situations (To put it politely) and it doesn’t seem like it will let up any time soon.
      When I was reading the article, the urine filled water balloons is what stuck in my head. The thought of being hit by one is vile.
      It always appears to come across in America that Ireland is one country, I’ve seen a number of films now with posters in pubs that show the whole Ireland when in fact, if their from the Republic of Ireland then it should only be that part of the country, not including Northern Ireland.

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  4. August 8, 2014, 11:16 am
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    Instead of indicating it’s a flashback (I missed it at first because I was reading fast), you might want to consider superimposing “EARLEIR” or something, so that it will be clear to the audience when it’s filmed that it’s not a new day. Otherwise, how will the audience know it’s a flashback earlier that morning?

    The level of violence by the protesters seems a bit over the top.

    I love that it’s mostly visual and not all talking throughout. You did a very good job in that regard.

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      leeoconnor says
      August 8, 2014, 12:53 pm

      Hi Ben,

      Thank you for taking the time read my work and comment.

      I agree, Superimposing the “EARLIER” will help the reader and make the script flow better.

      I have recently written another draft and will post on her with improvements.

      As for the level of violence from the protesters, this is accurate as this is a true story. The dispute went on for many weeks, I only wrote about one of the days.

      Thanks again.

      Lee

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