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The Lost Soldier
A U.S. Army Joint Special Forces soldier returns home after a heroic attack on an enemy foreign embassy and after yet another lengthy deployment. But when the soldier-hero returns to U.S. soil, can he save both his family (now targeted by the enemy) and the U.S. Homeland from nuclear attacks and war.
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I agree that the logline may be long. It’s an interesting, familiar plot. It can become something great or become predictable. A lot of possibilities.
Problems here:
How can an attack on an embassy (even an enemy one) be considered heroic?
Also too long.
Not sure if there’s a hard and fast rule about phrasing a logline as a question; I would think that if the question is clear enough and tells us enough about the situation, there might be instances where that format works. In the current “synopline”, though, the question mark is missing from the question.
Also, “nuclear attacks and war” is one choice too many and one attack too many. The phrase “a nuclear attack” would seem sufficient.
LL way to long, but does has potential.
When a Special Forces soldier returns home, he must save both his family and the U.S. Homeland from nuclear attacks and war.
Maybe shorten like that.
More of a synopsis than a logline but seems like a nice story.
Great story line but it edges on disaster depending on the script and action sequences.
A bit too wordy for me but not enough hook.
Sounds good. Has a good twist. It seems you say after twice in the same sentence. That can maybe be improved.
Another story about a returning soldier. I do like the twist. If you were to boil it down a little more you’d have a fantastic logline. Good job Richard.
A lenghty logline, but it got my attention. Don’t ask questions in the logline, rather make a statement.
All good story ingredients. However, your logline has a lot of words not actually saying anything right now. There’s a more economical way to say what you want to say it. Find it, and if you’ve got a good script, you have a commercial project that will find industry traction. WP
@WP Thanks very much for your evaluation and, particularly your comment that it has potential industry traction if I do my part with the script.