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The Leaves Of The Tree
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Overall
Concept
Story Structure
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Rating: 2.3/5 (2 votes cast)

The Leaves Of The Tree

A man trying to recover from a deadly illness takes a last gasp at saving his career, but finds himself confronting a miracle cure, and a group of evil priests out to capture that power for their own ends.

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  1. Avatar of rmhplays
    rmhplays says
    November 11, 2013, 7:11 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    A good start for reasonably good idea. Had a problem with the screenplay formatting, which immediately announces the writer as being inexperienced. Why are the scenes numbered and called out on separate lines above the scene headings? Numbering of scenes is typically reserved for the shooting script and incorporated on the same line as the scene headings. Likewise, the parenthetical line under the character names is there to inform the actors about a specific way of saying a line that may not otherwise be obvious. It should not be used to indicate action. In terms of the actual dialogue also found it somewhat stilted and pedantic; at times not at all the way people speak. And the “master” scenes went on far too long. We need to see more and hear less.

    In terms of the story: it has possibilities in terms of intermingling religious mysticism and contemporary morals and technology. But I feel the blend needs to be richer, edgier, and more imaginative to become compelling.

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  2. Ron-Weiss says
    July 12, 2013, 11:50 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    My first impression is the grammar, while very correct and formal it’s too stilted for a script. Whether dialogue, description or action, words should flow which helps a script have a feel of forward movement.
    I like the story. It’s religious mysticism spiced with intrigue and humor. The characters come across as individuals and together they created a colorful repertoire.
    However the script lacks polish. It has a rough texture.
    Maybe a little more evil from the Conquistadores.
    I would suggest setting aside this script and writing something else. Then come back later to Leaves of the Tree with a fresh perspective. I think it has some real potential. It left me with a good feeling.

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