The Emperor’s Sword More Images
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Rating: 3.3/5 (2 votes cast)

The Emperor’s Sword

Three heroes are chosen from their respective clans to embark on entering the Serpent Queen’s palace and get Amaterasu’s Sword to rule the land, but only one may claim it.

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  1. Profile photo of a-dominick
    a-dominick says
    September 14, 2014, 10:01 pm
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    This script is a breath of fresh air — I welcomed & enjoyed the oriental flavor & touch of mysticism. The occasional animal character throughout (metaphorical or otherwise) was intriguing and added to the script (gave it more depth). The characters are vibrant and unique — as is their manner of speech/dialogue (refreshing).

    The small, specific touches such as a knife “pins a snake to a tree behind him” work well — please add more! Nitpicky note: there are a few unnecessary descriptive details, such as “long shoulder length black hair” to initially describe a character — hair color/length is superfluous & only detracts from “white space” (which readers/suits like :) — I’d delete this (doesn’t add to the story).

    Overall, the story’s primal, familial themes and a sense of adventure place it in good stead! :) Good work.

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    • Profile photo of writerfultz
      September 14, 2014, 11:07 pm

      Thank you for the feedback, I’m glad you liked it and I’ll try to take your feedback to heart as I rewrite it.

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  2. Brian@TE says
    September 11, 2014, 12:35 pm

    Okay, lets see –
    – Possibly a different color snakes, type, some way of distinguishing them.
    -It’s not about what becoming more spiritual or smarter or more confident it would be in the why. This could be set up in first act and then we can watch them grow.
    -Sorry, I meant antagonist – something more personal than power maybe
    -It just didn’t come across clear. The Kazu empty grave works but the other maybe not so much. There may be some need in showing understanding or a pull of the characters toward these unknowns.

    Hope this helps.

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    • Profile photo of writerfultz
      September 11, 2014, 1:17 pm

      Yes, thanks you for your help. Just curious how to the fight scenes come off to you?

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  3. Brian@TE says
    September 10, 2014, 11:54 pm
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    I forgot to rate it, sorry.

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  4. Brian@TE says
    September 10, 2014, 11:53 pm

    Thanks for sharing your script with us. I know what it takes to write a screenplay and now to be on your third version, wow. A few notes that I think need to be explored.

    – It’s a little confusing to have both one of the protagonist and an antagonist controlling snakes.
    – I think you could spice up the story by giving each of the characters an internal journey as well as their physical journey. Improve the character arcs.
    -Why does the protagonist want to keep the sword, power? Greed?
    -The ending has twists that have no basis through the script so they sort of come off like plot conveniences. Even with the flashbacks.

    Those are just my thoughts, thanks again for sharing and I hope you give me a chance to read your next version.

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    • Profile photo of writerfultz
      September 11, 2014, 12:41 am

      Thanks for commenting on my script, I was actually hoping that I did better with it. Do you have any suggestions I can do to address the problems you wrote about because I thought I address them in the script, but maybe I didn’t do it clear or interesting enough to stick in the reader’s mind such as:

      – It’s a little confusing to have both one of the protagonist and an antagonist controlling snakes. (The idea was to show the danger of having a snake on either side and to show Jun’s later betrayal and his cleverness in hiding it. Also he is from her clan so it makes the other characters not able to trust him at the beginning because of it as well as make him question himself.)

      – I think you could spice up the story by giving each of the characters an internal journey as well as their physical journey. Improve the character arcs. (This was suppose to be address in Daiki learning to become more spiritual and him going after the sword, Fumiko becoming smarter and going after the sword, and Jun dealing with his own doubts and going after the sword.)

      -Why does the protagonist want to keep the sword, power? Greed? (I thought this was express during the ceremony that spoke of defeating the snake queen, gaining the right to rule the country a.k.a Jun not sure if he could be a hero, Daiki wanting to know who he really is, Fumiko of wanting to marry the prince.)

      -The ending has twists that have no basis through the script so they sort of come off like plot conveniences. Even with the flashbacks. (I thought I had foreshadowed these by showing Kazu’s empty grave, the facts that snakes are sneaky creatures, and them previous stating that they didn’t know their true family.)

      So if you have ways I could show this off better that would be very helpful. Thank you for reading my script.

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