The Devil’s Gold
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Rating: 3.2/5 (1 vote cast)

The Devil’s Gold

In a country on the brink of collapse a CIA agent must make his way home from a city under siege while protecting a little girl he helped rescue.

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  1. tfarnath says
    December 2, 2013, 2:09 am
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    This script has a lot of promise. I was captivated for the entire thing. Well done! Grammar and spell check would help, but I realize the author has English as a second or third language. I like the plot and the excitement.

    What needs work is the emotion. We need to feel more connected to certain characters, such as Aminah, Dar, and Tim. That connection raises the stakes. Having Tim trying to get back to a wife or daughter in the states, even a locket around his neck that he rubs. I would love to see more of Tim caring for Aminah while he has her. Something to show a bond forming. Dar running for the helicopter can be akin to Willem Dafoe running for the helicopter in Platoon. Dar and Tim can have a more meaningful relationship, something they bond over, or hugging and asking about family members when they see each other to show how long they’ve been at this, that would give Dar’s final seen more weight.

    Overall, I enjoyed it and I think it has promise. Add some emotion, give the characters a little more depth and your script should come out at around 110 pages. And easily turn from a 3, to a 4 or 5 star.

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