The Comeback
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Rating: 3.6/5 (5 votes cast)

The Comeback

When a professional hockey player’s wife is tragically killed in a plane crash, he walks away from the game to care for his daughter until years later she convinces him to come back and restore his team to its former glory.

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  1. January 14, 2014, 12:34 am
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    A great family sports films. I am glad to see someone write about hockey and put a family feel to it. Great characters and a sweet story. A good old fashion film

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  2. admin says
    July 16, 2013, 5:06 pm
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    Phoebe Lenhart reviews:

    Very nice story!

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  3. hingylingy says
    July 16, 2013, 1:47 am
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    Chase, my man… good story, It is a great feel good story and from that standpoint I believe it to be a winner.

    I really enjoyed both the movie Rocky and Miracle!
    It is also timely for us in Chicago considering our Stanley Cup victory.
    I partially agree with our colleagues posts above, perhaps a little more conflict and work on the dialogue. But everyone needs to remember, this could be a Disney movie and the “Comeback” on its own may just be what the Doctor ordered for a good family movie.

    I also believe that too much consistent conflict doesn’t let the mood set in, and in a piece like this we do want a moment to collect our emotions and actually go with the flow and feel good about something we are taking in at the movies!

    I agree with Mikeyz, Inspiring work.

    Job well done.

    Jay

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  4. June 6, 2013, 1:56 pm
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    Hi Chase, the story definitely has a good feel vibe to it, which has potential.

    Now, Act 1 wasn’t so bad. One can easily read it and say hey its completely plot driven, which isn’t a bad thing, cause it works.

    However, from that point on the story goes virtually no where due to little to none tension, conflict, suspense, etc.

    From reading the story, this is what I gathered. (Those who haven’t read the story, don’t look at this :))

    He’s been away from the game for 5 years. His coach encourages him to come play. He says no. Coach says well come help me coach. He says yes. Coach continuously urges him to play. He doesn’t want to and gets frustrated at coach. His daughter wishes that he plays. He eventually talks to his daughter, who tells him he should play. He listens to his daughter and decides to get back in the ring. He does well in scrimmage and impresses Scouts. They ask him to join the league again. He accepts.

    This is a fair Act 1

    Now Act 2 and 3 is much simpler and has little to none tension as I mentioned.

    Each game he plays, he struggles a bit, but nonetheless helps his team pull off victory. His family is proud of him. He humbly answers all press conference questions and keeps it moving. He meets nice beautiful attractive reporter. They go out. They’re a cute couple. She supports him. He continues to struggle, but nonetheless helps team pull off victory and ultimately wins the Stanley Cup. He gives speech about his trials and tribulations, thanks his family and speaks on his wife’s tragic death.

    The problem with me in this story is that just about everything in it is either completely predictable or has no conflict. Yes, his wife died, but other than that, he has it fairly easy in the story. You need to punish him more in the story Chase.

    On the rink, give him more specific flaws that he needs to strengthen. If he’s been gone for 5 years, there has to be something specific he needs to work on. Stamina? Maybe he plays well, but near the ending he always gives out physically. So, he must specifically work on his stamina, if he truly wishes to help his team.

    Outside the rink. Psychological problems: His wife died, He feels guilty for her death. He doesn’t want to date, or is at least hesitant to. However, he’s attracted to Angela, but he isn’t so quick to talk to her, because of his guilt and psyche. But, nonetheless after a revealing moment, he sees that hey, he’s got to live. He eventually goes on a date with Angela. They take it slow. They bump heads. She can’t take it anymore and tells him she’s sorry for his lost, but she rather wait till he has moved on. She leaves him. He’s a sorry piece of shit now.

    He stops practicing much. Daughter tells him you should go get her back. He thinks about it. He goes and get Angela back. They bond tighter. He begins practicing more. He’s a more complete hockey player. Plenty of more obstacles, etc. Eventually pulls off final victory. Etc. ETC.

    See Chase, give our main character some conflicts. Constant conflicts keeps me interested and many other audiences interested in stories. Punish him and through this we test his true character.

    The examples I made I came up instinctively. I’m sure you can come up with even better ones. If you do decide to write the story line as I cited as an example, give me some screen credit or something when the movie is made lol :-)

    All seriousness, good workable idea. Punish the main character! Make me want to see him overcome and earn his success.

    Ron

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  5. mikeyz says
    May 21, 2013, 9:16 am
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    Nice little feel-good, underdog-type story Chase!

    I really enjoyed the hockey sequences and how John returned to restore the Bruins’ winning ways and win the Cup! Good choice of teams except you failed to reference my home team of Toronto so I have to dock you marks there … lol!

    Work on dialogue and John’s relationships though: the dialogue was too spot on at times and lacking a bit of zip and creativity. I like the interaction between John and his daughter Isabelle and I wanted to see more of that as well as his relationship with Angela and John’s parents.

    Overall, very moving and inspiring!

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