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Rating: 4.3/5 (4 votes cast)

The Bigger Story

An awkward thirteen year old forms an unlikely friendship with a hot shot high school quarterback only to have that relationship tested when a member of the team is killed in a tragic accident.

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  1. Profile photo of letishasimen
    May 15, 2017, 2:03 pm
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    I think this script is well written, I loved the beginning narration it was very interesting. The dialogue is unique to each character and I could really visualize them, The scenes are structured perfectly and move the story along nicely. Overall this is a good script, You have done well. I wish you good luck in your future endeavors.

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  2. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    August 27, 2015, 7:18 am

    Good job, I had revision of the hole script but they are still awaiting moderation. Probably to much info for the system. I can only see them when logged in… duhhhh. Five hours work for nothing. Shit happens.

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  3. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    August 25, 2015, 2:45 pm

    Down the Rabbit Hole. Quantum physics meets Baseball. Brilliant! The nerdy superhero, who really does not want to be a hero at all. I’m at page 23 now and your dialog is very strong and believable. Especially your leading character is worked out well. But I don’t have to tell you that, you already knew. The narrative is crisp.

    I also like you subtile (almost European kind of ) humor.

    I’m guessing the football team does not want him to teach Rich to pitch, they’re just tricking him into becoming their quarterback making them undefeatable. But we’ll see….

    Only weak point is that there seems to be too much pipe. You should have clearly ‘stated the team’ before page 12.

    Also what I noticed, but that’s my personal opinion, is that some of these adolescents act like the are much older and wiser. Example:

    Page 23

    RICH
    Don’t listen to him, Louis. Treat a girl well, and you’ll make a friend for life. Treat a guy well, and they only end up asking for money.

    But hey, maybe Rich is really wise for his age?! Could be.

    Will read some more tomorrow.

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    • Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
      August 25, 2015, 2:50 pm

      “The team”. Help!! I mean “the theme” Or am I right and is the theme the team?!

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  4. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    August 23, 2015, 4:07 pm

    Some format issues:

    (1)

    ‘Cont’d’ at the bottom and top of your page is not for specs, only for production screenplays.

    (2)

    Page 1:

    EXT. SWIM CLUB – SUMMER, 1968

    Don’t use a superimpose in a header, do it like this:

    EXT. SWIM CLUB – DAY

    SUPER:

    “SUMMER, 1968″

    …But even summer is redundant here, because the narrator already tells us its summer. Better to mention ” “Place, State-year
    …as you do in…

    SUPERTITLE: NORRISTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA-1972

    But don’t use supertitle, the word does not exist but just use SUPER.

    Page 4:

    Why use a comma in EXT. BASEBALL FIELD, SAME
    .. it’s the old-school way just do it like this:

    EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – SAME

    EXT. STREET NEAR BASEBALL FIELD, SAME

    Rich continues looking at Louis.

    EXT. BASEBALL FIELD, BACK TO SCENE LOUIS

    I don’t know. I’ve never talked to him. Only time I see him is when he is out in his pool.

    This is all wrong. Here:

    a) you don’t need a BACK TO SCENE;
    b) you never use a BACK TO SCENE as part of a master scene heading.

    You do it like this:

    John

    rips the envelope and pulls out a birthday card. He opens it

    INSERT – CARD

    Words scrawled in burgundy lipstick: “ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY”. IT’S YOUR LAST”

    BACK TO SCENE

    John reacts with alarm. He takes a closer look at the envelope.

    (The Hollywood Standard)

    You also don’t go BACK TO SCENE here because you are talking about twoo scenes here – both of equal importance – and not an insert shot.

    Page 32:

    EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD – LATER IN THE SECOND HALF

    Wrong again. Use LATER IN THE SECOND HALF as a SUPER or use it in narrative.

    Page 53:

    He pulls off a top sheet with his route and name from the top of the stack. The Headline is revealed. “One Killed, Three Injured in Crash.” A picture of Rich’s demolished Volkswagen is on the cover, next to the school photo of George Schottmiller with the caption: November 7, 1956 – September 20, 1972

    You must use INSERT if you break up a scene and show stuff, then and with – you guessed it – BACK TO SCENE on the next line..

    Page 55:

    EXT: INTERSECTION A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY – MOMENTS LATER

    becomes

    EXT.INTERSECTION A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY – MOMENTS LATER

    Page 114:

    INSERT – NEWSPAPER ARTICLE TEXT

    The article has the date November 7, 1977. It reads:

    “Silver Shores man killed in traffic accident. Richard Feist lost his life last night as the sedan he was driving crashed into a telephone pole… “

    BACK TO SCENE

    Louis looks up at the highway, and back down to the article. LOUIS (reading) Failed to negotiate the curve?

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    • Profile photo of jfs15
      jfs15 says
      August 23, 2015, 4:17 pm

      Thanks for the notes, I always get a little lazy with that stuff. What did you think of the script?

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      • Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
        August 24, 2015, 10:47 am

        Hey John,

        I was just scrolling through. Did not read it till now. Almost finished working on two scripts now with my writer. He’s doing the writing and I’m doing the formatting. We almost finished. Just did the last revisions. Try to find the energy after half a year of rigorous work to read your script. I’m a bit out of energy now.

        Don’t get lazy with formatting Jonh!!!

        If you’re in competition with five other writers – who have an original and solit script – for an option, but they have (almost) perfect formatting and you don’t, you will be the first the producers will cut. No option on your script, no nothing.

        The moment you get yourself in a non-stop re-writing modus – take harsh but upbuilding critic on the nose, you will become a pro.

        You can write, most people including me can’t; make the most of your blessing!!

        Rutger

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  5. Rawform says
    August 21, 2015, 8:08 pm
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    This is the first script I was actually able to finish because the way its written aside from a couple of typos I loved it and it held my interest from beginning to end and I felt the characters. they came across very real to me. I didn’t think I would enjoy it but after the read I must say I certainly did. Best wishes and god luck with this.

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  6. Profile photo of jfs15
    jfs15 says
    March 30, 2015, 3:17 pm

    An early version of “The bigger Story” was entered in every major contest last year and only made the quarterfinals once. This version which has been brought out this year is the result of countless revisions based on an enormous amount of feedback, and it is finally at the level it can be successful. Although I have had success as a screenwriter, I am not a professional by any contest rules as of yet. Just trying to get attention to a story I felt was worth telling. Thanks to anyone who gives it a read.

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  7. roknsrf says
    March 24, 2015, 7:09 am
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    Shenanigans! Tell me how this script shows up on March 23rd having never been read or reviewed when it was announced as a finalist 3 days earlier? I read it, it’s a RINGER. A pro script written by a pro screenwriter. You can’t bullshit me, it reads like “Stand by Me” or “Catcher in the Rye.” There’s no way a script this good just shows up under mysterious circumstances and is this friggin good. Which begs the question, IS THIS CONTEST FIXED?????????????????????

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    • roknsrf says
      March 24, 2015, 4:05 pm

      IS THIS CONTEST FIXED?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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      • roknsrf says
        March 24, 2015, 4:10 pm

        This guys a writer, director, world famous set designer. I know he didn’t review any of the other scripts. SO WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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        • roknsrf says
          March 25, 2015, 2:45 pm

          So today I see John Sparano has reviewed 2 scripts. Well played, touché. But don’t think for a minute I don’t have my eye on you John Sparano, if that is your real name. Seriously, what the F. The Bigger Story is far beyond all the other scripts in the competition. In fact, what competition? There’s no way any of the other scripts in the finals can compete with this one. What I can’t believe is that this screenplay isn’t already optioned or in production. Hell, if it’s made right, it wins a half dozen Oscars easy.

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          • hingylingy says
            April 14, 2015, 11:39 pm

            gee, aren’t you so transparent…complaining and at the same time oggling over the script!
            mabye you are Tony Sparano…John’s brother??

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