God On Trial
The unluckiest couple in Oklahoma are a living, breathing country music song, in rage at their religion’s God. But God’s tire...
The Aboke Girls
After one hundred and thirty of her students are kidnapped by vicious rebel militia, an Italian nun working at a school in Uganda, pursues the kidnappers into the heart of a violent and lawless country.
73 Comments
Leave A ReplyLeave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Now this is a logline to movie that should probably be made!
It would be an action-drama, yes? Does the nun trade is her habit for camouflage gear? Seriously, the right director and lead could make it something riveting.
I wonder if Angelina Jolie can play Italian.
Sounds really interesting. Looks like there are great possibilities here, i would like to read the screenplay.
Good luck.
I absolutely love this log line. It is clear, has a great hook, and I can’t wait to see it in a theater near my home. Excellent job in my humble opinion.
Although this isn’t my cup of tea, as I literally and ironically sip a cup of tea right now, I found this logline very well written. The story intrigues me in a way, more so of the fact that you hooked me with your logline than the actual story.
That’s a lot of kids to be rooting for! I wonder how that will be perceived in the script?! Good work!
Interesting stuff.
I love the story potential and hook and would love to read it, but I’m not as jazzed about the logline. It’s a little lengthy. How’s this?
After one hundred and thirty of her students are kidnapped by vicious Ugandan rebels, an Italian nun pursues the kidnappers into the heart of a violent and lawless country to save the children.
That’s a nice suggestion, I like it. Thanks for thinking of me. WP
i read the book. You do know there is conflicting reports on what happened. Who’s story is your script based from?
What a curious and vague response. First, good for you that you read a book on the subject. Which one? There are several such as “Girl Soldier: A Story of Hope for Northern Uganda’s Children”, “First Kill Your Family: Child Soldiers of Uganda and the Lord’s Resistance Army”, “Child, Victim, Soldier: The Loss of Innocence in Uganda”, “The Lord’s Resistance Army: Myth and Reality” To answer your question, my script is an adaption of “Aboke Girls. Children Abducted in Northern Uganda” by Els De Temmermen. What conflicting reports are you referring to? And what relevance do any such reports have as a basis for judgement on a logline? Just score it low and say you don’t like the script rather than this approach. It doesn’t serve you particularly well. WP
Oh shame. There you go attacking again because someone disagrees with you. You are a total Muppet!
Norman, Norman, you are an entertaining soul, aren’t you. You don’t really read the comments do you? You just see my name and something just comes out of you – this need to insult me. I think I count 3, maybe 4 insults you’ve dished out now. Why when you’ve had such good news today are you wasting time coming onto my logline profile to comment? I’m amazed that with such fabulous interest in your projects (hard and well earned I’m sure) you still have time to serve me with an insult… I feel quite honoured actually. I’m normally riding a pink cloud when I sell a script, and muppets like me are the last thing on my mind. Don’t waste your time trying to get under my skin, Norman, I promise you it’s in vain. Instead, enjoy the moment, good for you to get some interest. WP
I had to reread the logline a few times as people seem to love it, but it just seems a little average, and I didn’t want to bring down your rating without fully understand the supposed genius… The logline is clean but it doesn’t excite or intrigue me, rather it kind of reminded me of ‘The Gods Must Be Crazy’, which although is a great film, I’m assuming has very little in terms of style or atmosphere compared to The Aboke Girls.
Thanks for the feedback. Sorry it didn’t speak to you. Appreciate the comments. WP
Sounds like a docu-movie!
Thanks for the feedback. I’d settle for that! WP
This grabbed my attention from the go. I noticed you have the script on here as well, and i will be reading it shortly after this…Very good job.
Thanks for the kind words. Appreciate the feedback and I’m keen to hear your thoughts on the script when you get round to it. WP
what will bring conflict towards personal level from cosmic? that provoke to jump in ?
That’s an interesting perspective. Thanks for the feedback. WP
Kinda sounds interesting but the logline is too detailed, does it matter that the nun is Italian?
Thanks for your feedback. WP
Whether or not this is a true story does not matter. That is not a piece of information that should take up space in a good logline. And it should also not affect the review of whether or not this is a well-told logline or story.
Also irrelevant is whether or not you can believe it from the information given within the logline. If the story is told well, it will make you believe it. And the fact that you find it hard to believe is what should make it compelling.
This is a logline contest and this is a well-constructed logline that has all the elements needed to pull a potential reader in.
I took the writers advice and read up on this story which is truly amazing. But this isn’t his story. There are two books already published on it, 2 movies made and another one in the pipeline. So this will be the fourth time someone makes this movie? While amazing you give nothing new to an old story.
it’s an adaptation of one of the books. Curious, which movie did you see? Would love to check it out.
I’ve never heard of a movie already made from this story either. But even if there is, who said it was any good? There are remakes made all the time that are both good and creatively adapted from their source material.
Jusork – there’s one feature in pre-prod called Girl Soldier – adapted from a different book to the one I adapted Aboke from. It’s a first person account from one of the girls who survived. I adapted the Aboke Girls written by a journalist involved in the conflict. I wish this were more features on this. Unfortunately, too many people have been exposed to the Kony 2012 movement which has put the spotlight on this narrative in all the wrong places. Glad to see there’s a healthy debate on here about it and some people have gone and read up on it. I don’t mind my stuff getting trashed if it gets them to educate themselves on the subject matter. WP
What should I do that is different? Should I make up a different protagonist? Set it in a different country? Change the militia? Or maybe I could set it in Space? Your insight of my take is incredible given you have only read my logline and not actually read the script – not that I am encouraging you do so right now, as it’s a litany of typos and inconsistencies
Just glad I have already won the logline fest before you trashed my logline with one stars. Phew! WP
I can't see it. I can't see why a nun would be that important after 130 kids are kidknapped. That's an International Incident that would have every country involved.
Regardless of whether or not you can "see it", this is actually how it played out. If you're interested in learning about it – just type in "Aboke Girls" or "Joseph Kony kidnappings" to a search in google to lift the veil clouding your sight.
Oh my, I do apologize for upsetting you. The veil is well and truly lifted to your superior brilliance! To everyone reviewing this, make sure you love this guy or you’ll really upset him.
It’s okay to be embarrassed Paul. I like to go after people when I’ve said something idiotic too. I will definitely be able to go on with my day knowing the fog has now cleared for you brother. Why don’t you go and take a read of My Pied Piper script to and give that a big thumbs down. WP
Overall it has the start of a great logline but beyond that there is no sacrifice or no character arc. Will the nun remain a nun, or will her beliefs be tested? What will she fight with, a gun or a bible? A nun as a protagonist will not draw an audience. See Machine Gun Preacher for inspiration!
So a Nun pursuing a group of militia into a violent and desolate world is not a sacrifice. I think we have different perspectives on what constitutes a sacrifice. That said, thanks for taking time to provide feedback. WP
So this is based on a true story?? You can’t expect people to just know that and tear them apart when they’re giving an honest review of what you provide them. If I had known this is based on actual events I would have scored this a lot higher!
Not sure I tore you apart, did I? Didn’t I just saw we have different perspectives of what constitutes sacrifice? Then thanked you for your feedback. WP
Wasn’t talking about me but others. The more I read up on this story the more I’m amazed by it! Big kudos to you for getting the rights to the adaptation. I’d love to give the script a read.
Great potential; however, if the nun is not willing to make the greatrest sacrifice (giving up her life and fighting with a gun for the children it will get nowhere.
Thanks for the feedback, fella. Unfortunately, this is based on actual events, so as tempting as it is to turn a Nun into John Rambo, my hands are tied by pesky facts! WP
Sounds like an exciting movie.
Good work, everything is understandable from motive stand point and whats at stake. Nice.
Thanks for the feedback. WP
Great Job! I visualize a great movie!
Very strong logline. Very powerful story.
Good.
Could be a really solid script. Sells with being a true story.
Needs work but how about:
When a viscious rebel militia kidnaps an entire Catholic school, they didn’t plan on the Lord Himself coming after them, in the form of Mother Ferrari.
Dude – I suggest you read up on your facts on the aboke girls before suggesting a comical alternative. I’m sure it’s helping you to suggest everyone re-work their efforts, but I’ll survive without your critique. Thanks all the same. WP
I’ll take that as a pass then. How about:
When an entire school is kidnapped by rebel militia, Mother ‘enter your preferred surname here’ cauterizes lawless Uganda in search of them.
oh my word! Your longline is incredible. I’m re-writing it now! Will you re-write my script for me too whilst you’re at ut. I think your robust genius will help me sell my script. Just one question; why would a nun use a surgical procedure designed to heal wounds in a search for missing children?
I really hope you’re joking about the metaphor I used because you’re trying really hard to come across as though you need no help with your writing whatsoever. But, just in case you aren’t joking (which is fine too), here is the explanation:
With its use, I’m suggesting that Uganda itself is bleeding because of its own lawlessness, and that her streets and rivers are her arteries and lawless people are her blood supply. Mother ‘whoever’ cauterizing Uganda as she searches for these children means that she attempts (and hopefully succeeds as least to a degree) to heal its people as she interacts with them during her search and offers them forgivenes. She is a nun, and I have to assume an extraordinary one, or she wouldn’t be risking her life to save these children. What else is she going to do, bust in the front door of the rebel militia stronghold and shout out a Schwarzenegger one-liner?
Bottom line, whether she does or doesn’t I’m not interested at all in reading your screenplay based upon your logline. And, isn’t that why you’re here?
I’ll leave you on a positive. You have a great, great concept here. A great concept does not make a great logline, despite what seems to be the universal understanding of this website (no offense to those who get it.)
I am not sure the number of students or the nationality of the nun are crucial bits of information.
I like! I like! I like! I picture lots of suspense and action and a great cast. I would indeed like to see this made into a film (judging by the logline – I haven’t read the script yet).
well done!
Very strong! I’d like to read this script. Well done!
Didn’t register the vote last time
A well written logline!
The hook is great. It’s a perfect length. This could be something else – even if I am over the Africa projects.
Thanks for the feedback. WP
Has some spark. I would like to see what would become of this.
Appreciate the rating, thanks. WP
I read the logline and the story blossomed in my mind for a few seconds…I think this could be a great script.
Thanks for taking the time to review. Appreciate it.
Fantastic! Really simple logline that conveys the dramatic struggle succinctly. One suggestion – might godless be a better word than lawless? Given she’s a nun, that might play well? Really good job.
Ha! funny you should say that, i thought about going in that direction. Ultimately settling for lawless as i didn’t want it to come across as a religiously orientated movie. Rather than a triumph of the human will to endure.
For what it’s worth – I don’t think it makes it sound like a religious movie by using the word “Godless”. Hope to see the script on here or better still on screen!
This sounds like a great story. The logline is well written and get s the point across. Well done.
Thanks for taking a look and commenting. Appreciate the kind words.
This is a fantastic logline. 5 out of 5! An intense cast is needed for this film if it ever gets made. Good work.
Thanks for the kinds words Rik. Hope the narrative gets traction at some point. WP
Great concept.
Thank you for taking the time to take a look and your comments.
I rated this logline high, only because it has elements that truly jump off the page. However, it need to be tightened. I think you can number anything over twenty? 130? You have desciptive words for all but the Italian nun (maybe one or two words might make her pop). Great idea!
Thank you for your comments and feedback.