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Best logline I’ve seen yet.
I Duncan, I really enjoyed BOTH of your loglines. If I were to chose between the two, I’d choose your revision. Seems to have much more conflict, plus it reads a bit better. Best of luck!
Chilling – but this baby sure has me hooked!
sounds really intense, and emotional. I likes
Wow.. this sounds pretty interesting.
Here’s an updated version…
Hopefully it’ll read with a little more clarity. Thanks for all your feedback
With his daughter feared dead, a schoolteacher fights for truth and revenge when the son of the suspected killer enrols in his class.
Looks like a great idea, sounds really interesting. I would like to read it. I think there is a lot of plot and character development characteristics.
Good luck.
The picture threw me off for a second. But, this LL is definitely intriguing. I love the idea behind this & the paths & possibilities this story can go on. Perfect elements for a thriller with a touching story. FORGOT RATING
The picture threw me off for a second. But, this LL is definitely intriguing. I love the idea behind this & the paths & possibilities this story can go on. Perfect elements for a thriller with a touching story.
This is definitely interesting.
Ron
Different and intriguing. Would make a good read
Very good premise, but I think the logline needs a little work.
“A schoolteacher struggles between morality and revenge when the son of his daughter’s murderer enrolls in his class.”
Is the script written?
Thanks for the feedback, I think yours is a definite improvement on my original (sometimes can’t see the wood for the trees haha).
The resounding message seems to be that my logline is unclear after a single reading, which defeats the purpose. I’m going to write a rewrite at the top of the page – hopefully it’ll go down a little better by being clearer and by having a little more ‘umph’.
The script is still being worked on, but this kind of feedback is certainly helping with the inspiration.
Thanks again.
Well worded logline had me thinking carefully about the meaning … and then it dawned on me that this school teacher, who is really at odds with this student’s mom or dad (we’re not sure based on your description), has visions of perhaps harming this student who he really has no ill-will against to begin with.
I understand the teacher’s emotional state but how moralistic is this person, especially as a childhood educator, to wanna hurt this child irregardless of how obnoxious he may be or who he is the son of?
I’m not crazy about the message here.
Best of luck on your screenplay!
Good Job, Might want to use something stronger than struggles.
I love it.
I like this quite a bit. I would probably choose a few different words here, erring on the side of simplicity–
“An inspirational schoolteacher is tempted to take revenge when the uncaring son of his daughter’s killer joins his class.”
“Obnoxious” in the original is a little too neutral of a word, though I can’t put my finger on why. “Callous” seemed close, but an uncommon word so I didn’t use it in my ‘rewrite’. “Heartless” maybe? Regardless, the logline is quite good as is.
Had to read the logline twice but, hey, I’m not a nativer speaker (or reader) of English.
Good potential, I can imagine interesting developments, and the (2nd reading of the) line really hooked me!
Very intriguing with many possibilities! Bravo!
This is great. Straight and to the point with moral and criminal implications at stake here. Plenty of room for a A-List actress to sink her teeth into as well. Good work!
Sounds interesting and original.
I’d read this!!
I agree with Paul. It took me a second to understand this logline, but it has potential. Maybe just re-write your logline to make a flow a little better. I do like the concept though!
Must say I had to read the logline three times to fully understand what it was about and who the characters are, but overall it sounds like an interesting idea. There could be some really tense moments in the script.
Even thought it doesn’t tell a whole bunch about the story, I think it’s almost there. Definitely potential. On an unrelated note, interesting film reference mix, even though I can only vaguely see it.
This story sounds very very very interesting. The logline is worded in a way that it takes two or three reads to be sure who the characters are, and what the agenda is – which is not what you want. Find a more economical way to say it – and you have a dynamite logline that will generate reads. WP
Very intriguing.
This is totally a strong logline. You have a winning premise and a winning hook. I would think this script will be sought after.
Intresting concept. It leaves me wondering just whom might be hunting whom in this story.
A really interesting idea. I like that the protagonist is having naturally dark thoughts, especially if he feels in someway that the son is following in his father’s footsteps.
Nice. I’m not sure if the premise can be carried throughout the whole film as stated in the logline unless it’s like a descent into madness, but it’s polished, interesting and brief.
Very intriguing. As a logline, it works great–I’m wondering, though, about how the script will go for you. It’ll be hard to maintain a strong PROtagonist if they’re having consistent thoughts about revenging themselves on a child, even a teenager or young adult–might go better if the main character right off the bat is clearly not entirely a role model in and of themselves. Just a thought.