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Target: Earth
User Rating:
VN:RO [1.9.17_1161]
Overall
Story Potential
Hook
Rating: 3.3/5 (11 votes cast)

Target: Earth

When aliens mistakenly identify a Photographic Pilot as the man who can decipher codes hidden within earthquakes created as a warfare weapon, the race is on for the pilot to find the formula and save humankind.

14 Comments

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  1. rashevich says
    June 3, 2013, 5:32 pm
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    This is cool for the movie.

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  2. April 4, 2013, 9:43 pm
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    A bit wordy.

    And why does the pilot decide to run with this? Cause the aliens made him? Or this pilot is bored and wants to have fun?

    Write the reason why in the log line and keep it under 30 words, and this shouldn’t be too bad my friend!

    Ron

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  3. Avatar of kccarmea
    kccarmea says
    January 17, 2013, 11:53 pm
    Overall
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    Great premise, sounds amazing

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  4. January 14, 2013, 10:48 am
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    I would go see this in the movies…

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  5. October 20, 2012, 2:52 am
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    sounds interesting

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  6. October 11, 2012, 12:41 am
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    The story is appealing but the logline should trimmed.

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  7. Avatar of
    says
    September 14, 2012, 6:21 pm
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    Story Potential
    Hook

    Tighten the hook as it has good potential for a movies.

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  8. Brian@TE says
    September 5, 2012, 8:53 pm
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    Not bad, I think I’d leave out “created as a weapon”.

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  9. rickemg says
    August 24, 2012, 9:13 am
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    A little more succinct would trim the fat. I do like the concept , there’s always room for alien stories. Hidden codes within the earthquakes needs a word or two to clarify it.

    I think the story has appeal and kids would bug their parents for movie money.

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    • paul says
      August 26, 2012, 4:15 pm

      Thanks for the input, Rick. I appreciate it. LOL about the kids – love it!

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  10. August 20, 2012, 9:44 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    Change “identifies” to “identify” as noted by WP above.

    Earthquakes are an event, something which has occurred when the fault line plates shift or let loose. Are you trying to say the codes are hidden within earthquake zones close to the earth’s surface, or are the codes buried/placed deep within the earth at various locations along many earthquake fault lines.

    Rephrase this logline and shorten it a bit.

    This is a movie I would enjoy, assuming the best feature script.

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    • paul says
      August 21, 2012, 3:04 am

      Thanks for the reply! I’ve noticed the ‘identify’ error – eeuw! In this sci-fi story earthquakes can be created – as mentioned as a warfare weapon. A Waver is actually a device for creating events similar to an earthquake, but not on the scale, off course. The codes are hidden in the zones, and can obviously not be seen with the naked eye.

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  11. wardparry says
    August 20, 2012, 8:22 pm
    Overall
    Story Potential
    Hook

    There’s a lot of specifics in this. You really don’t need as much as you might think. Get your hook economical on the main conflict and you’ll be golden. Watch the typo in your first sentence, it should read “identify.”

    Since you reference it, here is the logline for Transformers – “An ancient struggle erupts on Earth between two extraterrestrial clans with a clue to the ultimate power held by a young teenager.”

    There’s tons of story to Transformers, but we get it with just one sentence. WP

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    • paul says
      August 21, 2012, 3:05 am

      Thanks for the input! Much appreciated!

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