Take It To The Bank
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Rating: 3.8/5 (14 votes cast)

Take It To The Bank

In 1977, four lewd and lovable boys embark on a cross-country road trip funded by “deposits” at sperm banks along the way, experiencing hijinks, misadventures, and death-defying exploits as they strive to reach NYC for a sneak-peek screening of Star Wars.

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  1. tfarnath says
    February 15, 2014, 9:30 pm
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    My first impression was that I was annoyed with how on the nose the jokes were, such as Morningwood High School. I thought taking a shit on the weed could have been more clever. As the story went on it grew on me.

    I love the premise of this. Keep working at it. Just two sperm bank stops isn’t enough. There could be some quick montages of others. I have to agree with some that say a lot of the jokes have been heard before. Since this is your baby, I’d grab a few beers and sit down and look at each joke and think how it could be funnier.

    Milf line was my fave by far. Good job!

    I don’t think you’re going for a lot of depth, but that being said, Barry is the only character that stuck with me. The other 3 and eventually 4, could have been the same person…just minor differences. If you do want more depth develop the other characters more. Barry definitely stands out and the others could too.

    There’s a couple things I didn’t get. The Miss Perry scene in the gym with loud earthquake noises….was that the guys falling down after she touched her breasts? Also, what was the relevance of the male sex show?

    I think it would be funny if the burly man just misses getting hit by the bus, maybe the side mirror cracks him in the head. More of the same as he tries to navigate 5 lanes of traffic, just barely surviving and getting beat up along the way. Then when he finally reaches them he gets taken out by a roller skater or something totally weak like a man with a briefcase.

    Rewriting is writing. Keep it up. Get rid of the scenes that don’t matter. Keep polishing the jokes.

    Oh yeah, I noticed the screen descriptions and actions weren’t in the present either, but I’m not sure if an exec will close a script because of that if it’s piquing their interest.

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  2. stefanojay says
    January 28, 2014, 8:49 am
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    Gross, juvenile, sort of soft porn cliché ridden script and certainly not funny.
    The characters are caricature, everybody speaks in the same way, they act and talk like today and not like in the seventies. Women in this lame teenager fantasy are all super attractive and horny.
    The structure has a small inciting incident at the beginning, but then carries on with a series of sketches.
    Some basic rules of screenplay and even formatting are ignored, like putting day or night in the slug line.
    Sorry the script shows an amateur hand and at the end of the day is deadly boring.

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

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  3. January 13, 2014, 9:05 pm
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    To me it’s a bad ripoff and not as good as fanboys. I didn’t like the dialogue nor the characters

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    MBGrant says
    December 12, 2013, 1:53 pm
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    Really creative idea! Not exactly my type of humor (even though I did laugh out loud a few times) but I couldn’t stop reading. Could see how this could be marketable in the genre of American Pie, Eurotrip, Hangover, etc. Thought that the story could include more trips to the “bank” since that was the premise, but overall a fun(ny) script.

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    bigmark72 says
    July 15, 2013, 11:25 pm
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    This film needs to get made. I laughed on every page. There could have been just a tad more to the ending, in my opinion, but it was still a great script. Definitely kept my attention. Great lines throughout!

    Nice job!

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    mcaseyg117 says
    July 9, 2013, 7:16 pm
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    Loved the story as it somewhat reminds me of my college days. My only complaint is that the guys only visited two “banks.”

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    arhein2223 says
    July 5, 2013, 9:20 pm
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    A group of dudes discovering Star Wars for the first time???… Classic. I remember the first time I discovered “a galaxy far, far away.” Needless to say, it is a storyline that so many of us can relate to. And throw in some crude, raunchy, boyish behavior to laugh out loud to over and over again sure does add to the experience. Loved it. It was a great read. It kept my attention the entire time. It always had me waiting to see what these characters would be getting into. The dialogue was truly hilarious… boys being boys. And what these boys had to go through to see the first Star Wars film… entertaining from the first page to the last. Great script! :D:D:D

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  8. July 5, 2013, 7:32 am
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    Oh, man. I’ve read many scripts, but none of them hadme about to die laughing. I was literally crying from laughter through this entire script. My cheeks hurt. Um, from laughing. Whew — almost walked right into that one. heh.

    I didn’t find anything wrong about the script. Though, there were tears in my eyes most of the time, so…I might have missed something, maybe.

    If this doesn’t become a movie in the future, i will have lost any hope for humanity.

    Sincerely,

    Vatican Kelevra

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    AmyH says
    July 3, 2013, 9:40 am
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    I love how the four main characters are introduced at the beginning of the script. Pudge’s dream sequence with his dog in the room was hilarious!! Concept was FANTASTIC…selling sperm to fund a trip…VERY ORIGINAL!!!!!! It was a great read, start to finish. Laughs on EVERY page!! GREAT JOB!!!

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  10. Myf_Barron says
    July 1, 2013, 5:44 am
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    My main issue with “Take it to the Bank” was the concept. I didn’t think Star Wars was well known when it was first released in 1977 and that it was not expected to achieve the success it did, rather it was predicted to be hugely unpopular. The characters don’t seem to know much about the film or be particularly invested in seeing it (i.e. they’re not die-hard fans) so I don’t understand why they’d go to such great lengths to see the premiere? As a point of comparison, “Fanboys” seems more plausible and has a similar concept: die-hard Star Wars fans aiming to break into Skywalker Ranch to see The Phantom Menance because one of their friends is terminally ill and will die before the movie is released to the public.

    I thought the dialogue was good because it realistically portrayed a stereotypical teenage boy.

    Some scenes made me laugh but it’s not my type of humour. However, for people who like movies such as Movie 43 or The Inbetweeners Movie it would go down well :)

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    • rhino4239 says
      July 1, 2013, 4:30 pm

      Wow. I welcome criticism, but I have a complaint.

      A rating of 1 on my concept, because you didn’t think Star Wars was well known, or built up at the time? You basically just gave me a 1, based off of my FICTIONAL story. I was not writing a documentary. And also, if it’s not your type of humor, that should not matter. You should grade on the categories and be unbiased. I created this script to make people laugh. I wasn’t out to write a re-make of Gone With the Wind.

      Your rating is based off of 2 things, as far as I can see:

      1. You’re either a friend or family member of the author of Dead Peasants (which I read for fun by the way, because I actually ENJOY reading scripts, but have not rated), who have given him 5 stars across the board on everything, like he’s written an Oscar-Winning Screenplay, which he has not at all.

      OR

      2. You ARE the author of Dead Peasants, creating multiple usernames, and voting for yourself, and voting others down on purpose.

      Either way, it’s not right. And I also hope I am dead wrong.

      If you want to read an EXCELLENT screenplay, in my opinion, read the one that’s legitimately in 1st place (Second Lunch). Her script (though it’s not my cup of tea either), was fantastically written and puts all of ours to shame.

      So, go ahead and vote Dead Peasants to the top. It’s not a 5 star script, neither is mine, and neither are any others I’ve read on this site as of yet.

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    June 24, 2013, 8:29 am
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    Selling sperm to pay for a trip, the unintentional invention of the word MILF, marijuana, with a little Star Wars? YEAH!!!

    I’d pay to see it!

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    khodge2011 says
    June 20, 2013, 8:38 pm
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    Wow…

    Rated R GOODNESS!!! I laughed out loud many times. The concept is awesome, and though the story structure could be a little better, it’s a comedy, and has laughs on about every page. So that makes up for a lot.

    The scene in the Spooner’s Motel where Miles needs to run to the drug store…OMG…hilarious!!!

    Not a big “thinker” of a script…just funny!

    Nice job!

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  13. June 20, 2013, 10:08 am

    I’ve read this three times now, and it keeps gettin funnier every time I read it

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  14. June 18, 2013, 10:20 am
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    Great idea in a great setting, more marijuana!! It is 1977 after all.

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  15. June 1, 2013, 12:18 pm
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    The idea of these teenagers funding their trip to the Star Wars sneak peek screening through sperm deposits is funny. However the execution of the story doesn’t live up to it.

    The scene where one of the kids had a boner in the classroom had me laughing out loud.

    Outside of that, there was things that made me smile, and majority of the scenes played like a repeat of other movies I’ve seen.

    Same mother jokes, recycled run ins with random people and escaping in predictable fashion grows tiresome after a while. These kind of things can be cool, but I just didn’t get that feeling as though what I’ve seen is original or different. In the end, that’s the impression the story left on me.

    As I’ve said before, the concept is nice, so I wouldn’t abandon the story. I would re-exam the characters, make them unique from one another and bring forth humor from their characters.

    The humor in the script for the most part seems forced. Let the humor come from the characters themselves, as in Dumb and Dumber and in Superbad. The characters in these movies aren’t Oscar caliber characters, but they are fleshed out enough to make us the audience, understand them as people, with feelings, ambitions, etc. And they’re unique in their own way.

    In your story however, it is as though they’re doing what you the writer wants them to do and we the audience never really get a feel for these characters on a personal level. This may seem as though a small matter, but character depth to an extent is needed even in comedies. In creating just a little more depth and reasoning behind their actions in a unique manner, more laughs will be generated by a wider audience. Get into their minds more and flesh them out! :) Or at least make the characters stand apart from one another, which all road trip movies do, or majority of them…

    No brainer comedies are fine and I love plenty of them. But that’s the problem I think. There’s been plenty of them done. You have a good concept, but the story within itself offers nothing new.

    Ron

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    • rhino4239 says
      June 16, 2013, 11:13 am

      Hello Ron,

      Thanks so much for the feedback. I guess my only beef would be my grammar score, since it’s been professionally proofread. No sure why that score was so average.

      Thanks though, for taking the time to read it.

      Adam

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      • June 16, 2013, 12:09 pm

        Hi Adam,

        No problem.

        Spelling wise it was pretty much flawless I believe. It was things such as the narratives where it could of been more present tense.

        EX: Jake is STARING directly at Miss Perry’s sweaty chest.

        Jake STARES directly at Miss Perry’s sweaty chest.

        I seen plenty of this. I consider this part of grammar for screenplays. But if I’m wrong let me know, and I’ll check into it and regrade the grammar section.

        Ron

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        • rhino4239 says
          June 17, 2013, 9:42 am

          Hello Ron,

          In your example above, both could be correct, depending on what line(s) are written before. Grammar is sometimes the hardest thing; escpecially when you’re up super late writing! Ha ha!

          This is why I pay good money to have proofreading done, since those are the easiest mistakes to make. If your types of examples would have been incorrect, I would have been instructed to correct it… And trust me… The first run through of Red Ink was ridiculous!

          Anyway, I again appreciate your feedback.

          Thanks,
          Adam

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