Stone Pony
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Rating: 1.8/5 (2 votes cast)

Stone Pony

Sometimes there’s a bump in the road to sex, drugs and rock & roll.

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  1. Profile photo of
    says
    March 30, 2013, 2:12 am

    This has potentiial but you need to work harde

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    perloff says
    June 21, 2012, 7:13 pm
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    I agree with ssabatino’s comments. There is a lot of fat on this script. I think you could have cut the first 11 pages and incorporate it into the backstroy of the characters. There is nothing that happens in that first 11 pages that can’t be explained in a few lines of backstory dialogue. A lot of repetetive beats as well. You should go back and work on eliminating anything that doesn’t serve the story. When writing scenes. Start late and get out early. Everything in this script would be better if it was shorter and more to the point. Figure out what is the core, irreducible story you want to tell and remember that anything that doesn’t add, subtracts.

    The characters are a bit cliche. Work on being more specific in your writing. You describe a bouncer as a “big, burly, stereo-typical bouncer type” Be more specific than that. You have to assault the reader with detail and authenticity. Their attention is constantly in jeopardy. They need to be riveted by the story and characters. The only way to do that is create dimension. To say he’s a stereo-typical bouncer type is just lazy writing. Another example, “it’s increasingly hot and heavy between them.” It’s lazy writing. Be more specific. I want to feel what the characters are feeling.

    I didn’t love the characters either. I hate to unload on the negatives. This story definitely has potential. But the writining needs to be better. I would consider making Tommy a more believable character. How many times have we seen the precocious, level-headed child, who acts as a parent to their parent. It’s been done. I would prefer to see Tommy act a bit more like a child. Tommy’s character lacks authenticity. If he wasn’t so level-headed and we saw him really suffering you could inject more drama and conflict into this. There should be more conflict. Every single second the characters should be dealing with some kind of conflict. Another useful mantra: Conflict is to storytelling what sound is to music. Conflict is what makes us turn pages.

    This has potentiial but you need to work harder, create more engaging, dimensional characters. I would spend more time doing research and building the backstory and biographys of the characters.

    Don is also an awkward character. He just drops in and out of the story very convienently. you need to set up this character in the setup. We, as an audience, need to anticiape meeting him. He plays a huge part in this story and we shouldn’t be first meeting him 72 pages into the script. Set up his entrance. Have Lara mention him in ACT 1. Prove to us that he exists. Give him some kind of arc. Every character in the story should change, grow in some way. Maybe he, not Craid should be the one who gives Lara the advice she needs to hear to open herself up to Max. Wouldn’t this make more sense? He has learned from his mistakes. By telling her this adivce, he would be redeeming himself for being such a shitty father.

    Work on making all the characters pop. They all should have specific motives and arcs. Another good mantra: A character doesn’t come to life until we get a clear glimpse of their motive.

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  3. ssabatino says
    June 12, 2012, 12:54 pm
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    This story is predictable to a fault. It’s rather corney, too. If you take out the profanity, you basically have a PG script. Nothing wrong with that, except you do not do justice to the setting you’ve chosen. The world of the rocker revolves around the night. In the night, anything goes – especially at a bar. You don’t have the edginess in your dialogue, or character development, to pull this off.

    Go back to page one, change your protagonist’s name, and give her an arc. She’s your main character, and she needs to come alive. In fact, all of your characters are cardboard cut-outs of stereo-types.

    You might want to jump 17 years ahead, instead of 10. The interaction between the rocker dad and the nerd teen might have more meat.

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