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Rating: 3.7/5 (4 votes cast)

Still Waters

INSPIRED BY TRUE EVENTS: Due to changes in the Louisiana landscape, a starving alligator begins routinely attacking people… resulting in one grieving widower’s hunt that will only end when the home base of the rogue gator is discovered.

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  1. Profile photo of raydavenport
    September 11, 2014, 11:31 pm
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    I ‘m sorry I forgot to rate you with my last comment!

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  2. Profile photo of raydavenport
    September 11, 2014, 10:37 am

    OH MY GOD! somebody actually done it and beat me to it! A reboot of the 1980 film ALLIGATOR starring Robert Forster. When I read the script it kind of felt like the film Placid Lake starring Jane Fonda but reminded me of the 1980 movie about an alligator. I also was going to write one too.

    The overall script is great except little mistakes here and there with the dialogue and Grammar but it didn’t take away from the storyline and structure, the concept is good but need more work on character structure, where are they from, the country or the south?

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  3. September 10, 2014, 7:48 am
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    Minor errors is verbalization, but I take you were trying to write a casian accent. Need to double space after each scene dialogue, I was taught to use scene transitions before each slugline; ie. Cut To: On Take: Fade To: Smash Cut: Dissolve To: As well as each transition text and slugline must be in bold. Don’t leave a slugline without dialogue, if your scene dialogue is after the character’s dialogue then move it to the top of the scene, so that it can introduce whats going on within that specific scene. This issue appears on page 6. Single space between transition text, slugline.and scene dialogue, but double space before character name and dialogue. these need no space in between, except after the next character’s introduction.Proper alignment for transitioning text is on the left margin.

    You are a very risque writer, as you have crossed boundaries that no other has dared to attempt, There’s not many Horror Drama Thrillers out there. I would of faulted you for excessive dialogue and minimal action sequences, but then again its the story that you chose to convey. Kudos, but i would of liked to have seen more of the alligator scenes in the second act, as it disappeared and reemerged too far apart from your story. Consider adding 5 more pages between 30 -90 to reveal more of the conflicts with the alligator or explain why it has turned invasive and hungry. Overall well written…

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  4. Profile photo of leeoconnor
    leeoconnor says
    September 9, 2014, 5:21 pm

    Hi Sara,

    I thought I would give this another read. I stand by my points before, for it to flow better and just make it an over all polished script just get rid of “We see or we skim” etc. I doesn’t do i any favours. Good concept just needs a re-write.

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  5. Profile photo of leeoconnor
    leeoconnor says
    September 7, 2014, 8:40 am
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    Hi Sara,

    You have a good story here and I think it has potential.
    Just a few pointers. Avoid using “We see, we,” in a script. Tell the story don’t direct it.
    There’s no need for the “cut to” that’s what a new slug is for.
    Just read through it again and delete the “we” etc, this will make a much smoother, polished read.

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    says
    September 1, 2014, 11:59 pm
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    I reviewed the first 10 pages. I think it has a strong “Lake Placid” feel. It seems to be written well. I would like to invite you to review my screenplay entitled, “Buckshot & Ernie’s Bigfoot in the Trailerhood”. You can download a free PDF copy at studios.amazon.com. Feel free to submit your screenplay over there, could score you $10k op:) Good luck

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