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Rating: 3.6/5 (5 votes cast)

Sole Captain

A disturbed man’s mysterious past must be unlocked in time to save the life of his nine year-old son, whom he’s abducted to the high seas in search of an uncharted island.

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  1. roknsrf says
    March 27, 2015, 2:22 am
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    First of all, congratulations on making the finals. Seems we have more in common than sharing a spot in the finals however. I lived on Victoria St., went to Wilson Elementary, Kaiser Middle School, took some classes at OCC, and graduated from Vanguard University. Took my first sailing lessons at the Boys and Girls club over off Balboa Island and at the old Newport Sea Base when I was just about Young Cap’s age. Which leads me to your incredible script. I loved it! I mean I loved every last word of it. What an incredible story. tragic, but incredible. There’s no question it deserves to be among the contenders. But, I see you’ve gotten a few accolades for this script already. Which begs the question: why are you in this two-bit competition? Page Awards finalist, now that’s an accomplishment. I got a lot of great feedback from those guys last year, and have entered again this year. Anyway, hey man, I know it’s coming from an amateur hack like me, but as amazing a piece of screenwriting as this is, it still has some proofreading opportunities, and it has some formatting issues in the first half. Which is odd, since you have the second half more dialed in even on the same transitions you missed in the first half. Cause you know, it’s just easier for the reader when their there, especially on the flashbacks. I don’t think I would CUT TO on a flashback though, it tends to be something they only do in horror movies. The MATCH CUTs are good though, but like I said you missed a couple at the beginning of Owen and Cap’s adventure. I’m sure you’ll catch them when you look it over. My hats off to you, and good luck. This thing could win it all.

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    • wovalle says
      March 28, 2015, 4:06 am

      Thanks so much for the positive comments.
      Small world as it turns out!
      I’m around the corner from Kaiser!
      If ever you need another pair of eyes on a script or whatever, let me know– would glad to be of help. Thanks again and best of luck at this (and other) competitions!
      Wernher

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  2. wovalle says
    February 16, 2015, 4:26 pm

    loecooner–
    thanks for your comments.
    I would suggest submitting ratings once reading the entire script.
    The contest rules ask us to rate scripts only after reading them.
    Thanks!

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      leeoconnor says
      February 16, 2015, 4:48 pm

      Thanks for the suggestion, But the rating will stay the same. I will rate each and every script based on the first ten pages I read, if the formatting is wrong as well as the tenses or it just doesn’t work, then I will not commit my time to read the whole script.
      Truth be told I just don’t have time to read the whole script, so like any producer, you read the first ten pages.

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    leeoconnor says
    February 16, 2015, 9:17 am
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    Hi,

    Well written and moved in a nice pace for the 10 pages that I read.

    A few things that narked me but nothing major. It’s just little things like this ” Elder
    Cap speaks to someone out of frame”

    Thats not needed, so I would recommend losing it. Just little direction like that, that will put the script down.

    Hope this helps.

    Lee O’Connor

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    AgimSopi says
    December 31, 2014, 5:38 am

    A screenplay with a deep knowledge build’s upon the theme that narrates. With the characters carved powerfully and with extremely natural development. The structure of the screenplay “Sole Captain’ is very strong and very exact. It is created the impression that the screenplay is designed on the Dostoyevsky’s expression: ‘to wipe out the most painful sentence if you can do without it’. The story is extended with an logical agnosticism and the tragic ending is almost unavoidable. I congratulate the author with all my heart for the amazing screenplay!

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  5. wovalle says
    December 31, 2014, 4:04 am

    Thanks for that. Funny you should mention it– my latest draft has the abduction scene on page 1 (not sure if I can repost rewrite-versions?). Appreciate the nice comments.

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    OmarTucker says
    December 27, 2014, 10:40 pm
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    Soulful, erudite, and charming. “Sole Captain” reads very clearly and naturally. Vivid characters, familiar themes and a relatable story told through well-timed flashbacks make this screenplay, in my mind, a favorite to win this competition.

    Minor feedback. Perhaps consider establishing the hook (the kidnapping) in the first ten pages as opposed to page 19. This will ensnare audience attention early on and raise the stakes in the first act. But this is more a matter of personal taste. I also had to penalize the grammar score due to some typos, but that can be easily fixed with a soft rewrite. All in all, a strong sense of place was conveyed and the descriptions of the sea were immensely powerful. Congratulations on a well written script.

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    cthomas says
    December 20, 2014, 7:56 pm
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    This script was written with clarity and some wonderful dialogue. There might be alternate structures that are worth exploring; because the main story doesn’t kick in until page 14, the beginning is slow and felt a bit disjointed to me. But by the time I got to about the midpoint, it really picked up, and I was fully onboard (sorry for the pun) after that. I liked the twist at the end, although it was tragic. Overall, the characters were well fleshed out, I still felt like I wanted to bond more with Cap; I was never really rooting for him. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to, although I would have liked to understand him better, at least. So in that sense, the ending where he goes fully crazy wasn’t as satisfying as it might have been… had I understood why he went crazy (beyond just his genes). Still, there’s a lot I liked about this script. It’s written with clarity, and I felt pretty close to Allie, although I didn’t really understand what she saw in Cap. The writer demonstrates great expertise with sailing, and so the nautical parts felt very realistic.

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    raindjs says
    December 14, 2014, 9:19 am
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    I rally enjoyed Sole Captain. It was a fun read that I did in one sitting because it drew me in right away and I wanted to see how it turned out. It reminded me of Brilliant Mind but without the sinister overtones. Cap’s tragic psychology nearly killed his child and ruined his life, yet the story wound up on a positive note while taking the reader on a journey through generations of a family and a world rarely shown- that of a sailor’s life.

    The cutting between the different times in the story was mostly clear though occasionally confusing, something that would be easier to follow on screen. There were moments of dialog that may have been handled better, but the characters were distinct and clear and overall it had a nice flow and kept my interest throughout. The cutting between generations is a difficult technique to do on the page but was handled well throughout. Act 3 built to a nice level of suspense and delivered with a surprising high point.

    I read it as part of the contest assignments but I was glad I did. Thanks for a great read.

    David

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