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Six Faces

A cynical policewoman must save her small town by stopping a growing hoard of crazed addicts who create a path of chaos and destruction in their extreme desperation to return to their mysterious drug.

Monologue: Page 103

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  1. Profile photo of perloff
    perloff says
    October 31, 2012, 2:56 pm
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    This has some interesting elements and solid characters but it’s way too dense. Too many characters. Too much going on. Figure out what the core story is and then take out everything that doesn’t setup or relate to it. Anything that doesn’t add, subtracts.

    In terms of structure, remember to use transitions to create a seamelss flow (which is absolutelt necessary with a scriopt with this many characters and this much going on). Try to limit the number of settings you use, this will save on production costs and add to the characters because the more you limit the settings the stronger the associations will be the characters who live in them…

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      jusork says
      November 1, 2012, 7:03 pm

      Thanks. I’ll have to figure out a way to slim it down, but I really don’t want to get rid of the intertwining storyline. I’m sure it turns off some producers though. This is definitely one of my tougher sells.

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    Rosecon1 says
    September 13, 2012, 2:11 pm
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    The script was well written, unfortunately the story itself was not that interesting at all . . . Don’t get me wrong, it could have been but not how it’s currently written. One of my first problems that I had was how many characters were introduced in the first five pages. This made it incredibly difficult to figure who was who when they were re introduced later on. The major problem i had with it was all the relationship drama that was going on throughout the entire script. It really felt like two scripts in one. There was a really interesting sci-fi story going on but it was drowned out by drama that would not be an issue during all the action that’s happening around them. It would be alright if it wasn’t happening DURING action sequences Kimi and Ed talking about their failing relationships and Paul and the druggie talking about his relationship, the female cop worried about meeting her boyfriend while she’s chasing an out of control madmen through the streets . . . all of this wound not be happening while MAJOR action is happening. In my humble opinion, it all should be taken out or at least trimmed down. It may be interesting in a drama but not in an Action/Sci-Fi movie. I understand you need some of it to contribute to character development but there was just too much of it. Another thing that bothered me was how the Doctor character was portrayed. He was WAY over the top. One minute he’s taking care of patients at his hospital, the next he punching out cops and fighting these “infected” individuals. He’s a doctor, it’s a little far fetched to think he’d suddenly be a crusader fighting along the cops.

    Don’t get me wrong, there was still some good stuff here, like I said it was well written. I was just hoping there would be more stuff dealing with the mysterious cube and less with all the relationship drama, there is plenty of movies for that, this just isn’t one of them. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you

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    • Profile photo of jusork
      jusork says
      September 13, 2012, 2:30 pm

      Thanks for the feedback. It’s appreciated.

      What I was going for with the drama was for it to be a parallel intertwining story with the cube. Each of these people desperately want certain things in their lives and will basically stop at nothing to get it, just like the people addicted to the cube. So I wanted it to be a story about the power of desire, where the stories relate to each other by enhancing this theme. I’ll work on it though since it seems to be unclear.

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