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Rating: 2.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Sir Guinevere

Before she was a queen, Guinevere was a bad-ass knight bent on revenge. What she didn’t count on was falling in love. When her new found happiness is ripped away by the man that murdered her father, Guinevere will fight to the death to save all she loves and discover who she is, a warrior or a queen.

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  1. Profile photo of dicksuicide
    September 29, 2015, 12:38 pm
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    two many movies on this subject already

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  2. admin says
    January 30, 2013, 2:44 am
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    REVIEW BY PAUL MAILHOT:

    see a lot of low scores in the reviews on this script, so I was ready to read a mess of a script. Fortunately, I believe the script is better than is reflected by the low scores. I have a few suggestions that would help improve the script, at least in my eyes. My first and easiest fix would be to add some subtext to the dialogue. As it is, everything everybody is thinking comes out of their mouths unedited by interesting things like emotion, deception, dialect or style. It’s currently robotic. One side effect of lacking subtext is generic, cardboard, undifferentiated characters. Although I have detected a theme of empowered women, I’m not sure I know what the story’s goal is. At first I thought it was a woman out for revenge. Then possibly about a romance that allows Gwen to come to terms with her past and to build a brighter future through a more traditional role. Then it was back to action/adventure, then perhaps an illicit affair. The problem is that we are set up at the beginning with Gwen’s tragedy and goal, but make it to the end and Gwen has not achieved a single success. So as a reader I’m left wondering how I’m to get my closure. I need to ask why I read her story if it was to be meaningless in the end. My final piece of advice is to decide whose story this is. Will it be about Gwen and Mallegant? Gwen and Arthur? Gwen and Lancelot? I believe you try to intertwine three very different stories together, but never achieve enough success with one to satisfy the reader’s need for beginning, middle and end, on any of them. Successes include the original take on Gwen being a knight to Arthur. I also found the writing style to be smooth and interesting, although sometimes it became novelesque and could use a bit of trimming – but good all the same. Merlin as a female was a shocker, but I would have enjoyed seeing how being a female made Merlin more mysterious and having her femaleness actually matter plot-wise. Final, final, final suggestion is to take out the extreme brutality/intimacy and make this a tween movie like the Princess Diaries. I think young women would devour a strong female driven script like this and would be a good sell to Disney. Good luck with this. Below are some random notes. 1. The first line should be preceded by INSERT: if you want that information displayed for the viewer on screen. if it is only for the reader, you’ll have to describe what exactly we see on the screen. 5. The Lady of the Lake is legendary, yet you don’t prepare us with a detailed intro description of her. I dare say I can’t envision her at all. 5. “Foreign invaders” is too generic and on the nose. 5. How do we know three years have passed? Perhaps insert a subtitle, or forget about the leap in time and make it a continuous flow of time either at Gwen’s 12 or 15 age. 5. How does the viewer know Lancelot is The Lady’s son?? 6. her an intricately Its handle 20ish. When Gwen gets to Sir Ector’s academy, she has still only recently lost her mother. Her countenance should reflect that and if she finds satisfaction she can show it with the briefest of smirks, but remain mostly stoic. I also think it would be best if the story got to this point if she were younger than she is now to put her in equal league with the boys. 25. You’re safe! I have worried– 29. kingdom of its owner. 30. It is the Saxons that 32. Question… Is Gwen attempting to maquerade as a male? If so, speaking back to Malegant is quite risky and would doom her quest. The fact that Melegant laughs and turns away makes me feel he is no threat and possibly a nice guy. If that is not your intent, maybe you should alter the scene a bit. 34. in its rocky prison. 45. If you insist on jumping forward in time to specific intervals, you will have to inform the audience with INSERTS. Do not put it in the slug line. 47. I thought Gwen left to check on her men a couple of pages ago. 48. Arthur should rise before he says dance with me because in the previous passge you are describing different people and the flow is awkward. 50. Gwen’s attitude changes. Perhaps have something meaningful to her happen so that the change seems like it is the result of something she needed to hear or consider. As is, it seems abrupt. 53. So Gwen says they can’t stay stuck in the past. So that seems odd to me. Is this change of perspective a result of something Morgaine did? If so, I think you have to make that momment more “in your face” so we realize there is something afoot. If this has nothing to do with morgaine, then I am bewildered at her new attitude. 61. It is Morgaine. 66. I bet there is not another queen that has legs like ours. (like hairy man legs???) 68. gallops him toward her mother’s house. (the audience can’t possibly know where she intends to ride, so why write it??) 79. Arthur kneels at the altar 80. through the narrow castle secret passages. (delete, redundant from slugline) 80. Mallegant is not in the bed. (delete, unnecessary) 81. leads them through the halls. (redundant location from slugline) 87. Missing Gwen’s name above: –my time to sacrifice… no… I won’t let it happen. Not this time! 89. glances back at Lancelot. 97. Arthur caresses her face. 101. She stops and looks back. 103. I am here to help my people. 103. Guinevere looks at Arthur. (unnecessary) 104. land and its people.

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  3. says
    January 26, 2013, 12:07 pm

    I have tried to post my review but it never shows up and says I’ve already posted. I’ve Validated three times now. Something is wrong with the system.

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    • admin says
      January 30, 2013, 2:45 am

      Posted Paul’s review above.

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      danac707 says
      February 13, 2013, 6:25 pm

      Thank you for the great feedback. This was an early draft and I was all over the place trying to tie the traditional with my imaginings. I specially appreciate you pointing out the weakness in not satisfying the promise of the premise. I’ve been working to do just that.

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    lafla says
    December 21, 2012, 8:29 pm
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    Vote isin’t working well.

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    lafla says
    December 21, 2012, 8:21 pm

    Voting wasn’t working great.

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    Zipper643 says
    December 21, 2012, 8:18 pm
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    The voting is not working well.

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    Zipper643 says
    December 20, 2012, 10:31 pm

    Here’s my vote.

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    Zipper643 says
    December 20, 2012, 8:24 pm

    Forgot to rate it.

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    Zipper643 says
    December 20, 2012, 8:22 pm

    Interesting twist with Guinever being a knight but the story didn’t really stick for me.

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    lafla says
    December 19, 2012, 10:18 pm

    Interesting concept but failed to deliver.

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  11. Profile photo of
    says
    December 19, 2012, 3:49 pm
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    Wasn’t my cup of tea. But keep plugging away.

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  12. Profile photo of
    says
    November 28, 2012, 8:10 pm
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    eh

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    • Profile photo of danac707
      danac707 says
      November 29, 2012, 6:42 am

      Wow. That’s insightfull. And you read it in 2 minutes. Right after the other screenplay you had a one word reply for. Karma’s a witch. Feel bad for you.

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  13. Profile photo of sweetladykat
    November 27, 2012, 8:34 pm

    Fantastic Play! Totally Loved! Very well written!

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