Sinking Sand
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Rating: 2.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Sinking Sand

After a loving wife murders a blackmailer to protect her husband’s flourishing law career she must watch as he prosecutes another woman for her crime.

Monologue: Pages 73-74

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  1. Profile photo of perloff
    perloff says
    October 31, 2012, 2:42 am
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    This has potential but the characters and the story need to be fleshed out more.

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  2. Profile photo of normanwilliam
    October 25, 2012, 1:52 am
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    There’s some wonderful writing here. What brings this script down though is length, showing that not enough thought was put into the journey and also character. There isn’t much of an arc with characters staying constant throughout and giving little in the way of performance. Things happen very easy at times. The writer needs to learn to beat the crap out of his characters and see if they survive.

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    malakas says
    October 18, 2012, 7:37 pm
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    Like others have said, this could have been a much better screenplay than it was. The act balance was way off and it ended suddenly and undeveloped, leaving the reader shocked, then tied itself up with a 20 second glimpse in the future. IMO there needed to be more details to Tyler’s extortion, his flirtatious entrapment as well as a much longer 3rd act where Daniel’s quest for the Senate was put into play juxtaposed to the conflict within the trial. Also Daniel goes from just going in to work for an hour to taking the full bown case with no transition. The 76 pages is way too short for a movie, but you might be able to format it into a movie of the week or something, but even then you’d need to balance it out more. Its also a little misleading WRT its logline, which makes you think she killed him on purpose. Flesh out the plot more and you will have a much stronger screenplay as well as something that you can do yourself Robert Rodriguez style since the budget for this is as low as it gets. There’s a lot of bang for the buck potential in there.

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  4. September 14, 2012, 7:30 pm
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    I'd have to agree with the other reviewers. The logine was pretty good, but i couldn't get into the story. It took forever to get started and before I knew it, it was over. 76 pages is somewhere between a short and a feature film. If I was the author I'd either remove 40 pages or add 40 pages. I also found it a bit weird how easily the wife told her sister about the murder. It was almost laughable. You should really have her struggle with it more. But that is merely my opinion. 

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  5. Yopauly75 says
    September 11, 2012, 10:37 pm
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    I thought the script (what little there was, not sure why it was only 76 pages) was written well. The dialogue came across as realistic. The concept and story were not there for me. I feel like I’ve seen this same exact story done on late night cable a dozen times . . . and maybe that’s because the script was SO short. It’s missing all the character development. I feel like the story didn’t even really start till around page 40, and when the script is only 76 pages long, it better be super tight, and it wasn’t. I would like to see this script with an additional 30 pages.

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  6. Profile photo of jjcj3113
    jjcj3113 says
    September 8, 2012, 3:09 pm
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    This story was too rushed and too short. I think you have a good concept but you barely scratch the surface of the story.

    Your longline indicates that Brooke murdered the Tyler but it ended up being his girlfriend.

    There is so much more than you could have done with the story.

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