Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
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Rating: 2.0/5 (17 votes cast)

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

For years, one question about Santa has plagued mankind: “How does that walking advertisement for Weight Watchers find the time to deliver presents to all the little boys and girls in a single night?” Well, ten year old Elliot Connors is about to find out as he wins a once in a lifetime chance to accompany Santa Claus on his annual trip around the world to see exactly how it’s done first hand.

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  1. Profile photo of EaglesWings
    September 12, 2014, 7:38 pm
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    Log line to long. Focus on the plot or the main character’s arc.

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  2. Profile photo of rewrite
    rewrite says
    September 2, 2013, 2:43 pm
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    Your words are so many but you can rewrite, for this logline

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  3. scripted says
    June 22, 2013, 11:43 am
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    This is for timing and event film

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  4. Westule says
    March 24, 2013, 3:30 pm
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    Could be interesting, but its a generally overused template

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  5. November 9, 2012, 5:31 pm
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    While I think the theme of the film is way too common for Christmas themed films, I think there is something here. Definitely trim the log line down and it could be interesting.

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  6. Profile photo of
    says
    September 16, 2012, 10:58 am
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    As a live version movie, I really don't think that story would work but If it becomes like the Polar Express is could be a fantastic bit of an animation movie.

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  7. Profile photo of jusork
    jusork says
    September 12, 2012, 3:18 pm
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    Right now it sounds like a children’s 15 page picture book.

    Follow the others’ advice.

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  8. August 20, 2012, 3:51 pm
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    Seems to be a common theme for Christmas-time movies. For example, the Tim Allen Santa Claus movies where his son gets to ride with him and is allowed the privilege too see how it all works. This logline is just was to wordy. A succinct one-liner would likely suffice.

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  9. sparky178 says
    June 21, 2012, 8:14 pm
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    Condense is the right thought and a bettr hook.

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  10. Profile photo of tserlin
    tserlin says
    June 21, 2012, 4:36 pm
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    Trim the “fat” on the logline and it will be cleaner and meaner. The concept is there – but it takes a little muddling to get through to the point. Santa’s weight shouldn’t be the key point.

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  11. Profile photo of bradyrick
    bradyrick says
    June 12, 2012, 6:26 am
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    First may I say that I still believe in Santa!
    Yes, the story sounds familiar, but an original hook could save the day.
    Back in my broadcast days we had a saying…”Tight, Bright and Brief!” Give us something to look forward to in 35 words or less. But I actually would like to read the story.

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  12. Profile photo of
    says
    May 17, 2012, 3:23 pm
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    I agree with most of the concepts. The logline needs to trim the fat. And I would try to add something more to hook readers on the story.

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  13. rffischer says
    May 15, 2012, 10:12 pm
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    Interesting, if common idea. I think you have too many words in the log line, you could do it in less just as well and probably better.

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  14. says
    May 15, 2012, 9:53 pm
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    As a logline, it’s not very good. The story sounds like it could be good, but you’re focusing a lot of energy chatting about unnecessary things. You have written – a pitch. That’s a decent spiel when the producer is ready and listening, to build up the excitement, but your logline is what you finish with. One sentence that puts the final nail in his resistance coffin.

    All of Santa’s secrets are revealed when a curious boy wins a once-in-a-lifetime chance to ride shot-gun.

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    • cynosurer says
      May 15, 2012, 10:05 pm

      nice work on that logline Paul. Catchy, concise and complete. Having the ‘ride shot-gun’ at the end really nails it.

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  15. Profile photo of seanery7
    seanery7 says
    May 13, 2012, 9:27 pm
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    “Charlie & the Chocolate factory” comes mind, as well as the TV special of the same name. Logline forgot to remind us Santa Claus is also bi-polar and plays with elves. Cynosurer is right about the wordiness and condensed version.

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  16. cynosurer says
    May 8, 2012, 11:12 pm
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    First line/intro question is repeated in the second sentence.

    Peel away all the excess verbage and your logline is: Ten year old Elliot wins a Christmas Eve trip with Santa to see how it’s done.

    I assume you have some really cool way it’s done but even that doesn’t scream: MOVIE.

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  17. Profile photo of ckmoak
    ckmoak says
    May 8, 2012, 2:23 pm
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    Santa movies get done a lot…it would really need to stand out.

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