Phate
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Rating: 3.9/5 (11 votes cast)

Phate

A troubled child psychologist, falsely accused of murder, must run from the law while trying to find the only person who can prove her innocence – a young boy stricken with the Ebola virus.

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    1. Profile photo of rvgoya
      rvgoya says
      May 4, 2016, 5:08 pm
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      Sounds good…can you provide more clarity than just the word “troubled?” I think if you emphasized the character flaw more …such as drug user, alchoholic, child molester…your log line would sound stronger and catch more attention.

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    2. Profile photo of
      says
      January 31, 2016, 8:39 pm
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      The hook, itself, is strong; but it has no relationship to the story, up to that point.

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    3. Novelist56 says
      January 29, 2016, 7:43 am
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      First off what is a “au pair”? I looked it up couldn’t find it. The plot seems sound. The only thing is, is the couple already infected by the disease quarantining the offshore facility or if not will they become affected.

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      • Chidi says
        January 29, 2016, 8:01 am

        Thanks Novelist56. Au pair – A young foreigner who lives with a family in return for doing light housework.
        Well, the story’s changed. I guess I better update the logline, but I don’t know how.

        “A troubled child psychologist, falsely accused of murder, must run from the law while trying to find the only person who can prove her innocence – a young boy stricken with the Ebola virus.”

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        • Novelist56 says
          January 29, 2016, 9:39 am

          “A troubled child psychologist falsely accused of murder must find her only witness to prove her innocence.”

          Maybe something like that.

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          • Novelist56 says
            January 29, 2016, 9:42 am

            Or “A troubled child psychologist falsely accused of murder must find her only witness, a child stricken with Ebola, to prove her innocence.”

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    4. leroysm says
      January 26, 2016, 1:34 am
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      Sounds like a viable thriller.

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    5. Dartistman says
      January 21, 2016, 6:51 pm
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      There is s lot going on in this logline. I’m not sure what to say but I see visions of an apartheid, struggle like movie for some reason. I could see it being made into a film. Not my kind of film but produceable

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    6. RikerBear says
      July 26, 2015, 6:54 pm
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      A bit long yes, but it certainly conveys all the elements of your story. Draws to reader in and makes us want more.
      Good luck!

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    7. Profile photo of Donn
      Donn says
      July 2, 2015, 3:54 pm
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      Great idea, but logline should be a little shorter.

      example: During a major outbreak, an American au pair falsely accused of murder in Nigeria goes on the run to find a young boy, the sole witness of the crime.

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    8. June 29, 2015, 4:22 pm
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      Whoa! Brilliant!

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    9. Profile photo of SusieK
      SusieK says
      June 27, 2015, 4:40 am
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      I bet your story will got produced.Well done.Good work.

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    10. cashimear says
      June 13, 2015, 3:08 pm

      Could be a great story.

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    11. Chidi says
      June 7, 2015, 12:02 pm
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      Thanks for the review.
      Truth is I have a 26 word version (see below), 30 and 35 word versions. But I enjoy this 41 word version most.
      An American au pair falsely accused of murdering an expatriate’s wife struggles to get access to the sole witness who’s been quarantined for a killer virus.

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      • Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
        June 7, 2015, 12:13 pm

        .. I know, thats why I said “the longer verion”. And I agree, this version seems to be the one that’s most complete. Can’t wait to read the screenplay!

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    12. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
      June 7, 2015, 11:49 am
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      Ok, the longer version with more description. For me the logline has all the elements it needs, but it’s too long. Try to get it under 36 words. But, but the sentence (for me) still flows. Purists will say that you can still make the sentence more active – substituting “struggles to” by “must find”, but they are missing the point; he’s looking for a needle in a haystack!

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