Patriot 101
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Rating: 2.0/5 (1 vote cast)

Patriot 101

A complicated string of events well ochestrated by the city’s best thief that add up to the final climax where Patriots give themselves again, and win.

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    1. Brian says
      November 26, 2015, 9:24 pm
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      I really like how you’re attempting to put your words together. Phrases and terms like “string of events,” “orchestrated,” and “city’s best thief” all draw me in. But ultimately, they don’t lead me anywhere of interest. There’s simply not enough information for me to grasp your story.

      Furthermore, your use of the words “complicated” and “climax” pull me out completely. The former word is too substitutive (too lazy), and the latter is too cinematically self-referential. Neither offer any real details as to the conflict, and the conflict is the heart of any story.

      Keep at it. Something tells me you’re playing with very interesting elements and just aren’t able to communicate them yet. I like your writing style.

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