Compensation
In spite of some hesitancy’s which originally result from their identities, Hans as a former Nazi officer and Sam as a ...
| Overall | |
| Story Potential | |
| Hook | |
Rating: 3.1/5 (15 votes cast) | |
Crackerjack financial golden boy, Ted Morrison, gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar by a sexy securities attorney.
I guess I don't see the hook. What ninja or bounty hunter wo...
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Continuing your logline, “…and must” do what?
Give back the money? Prove he’s changed his ways before she calls off their wedding?
I want to see consequences for this guy, who’s probably gotten by on charm all his life and now finds it’s wearing thin…
Potential very good for the characters. Everybody loves to see a jerk forced to change, or at the least forced to pay.
Good start, but needs development. It is a bit ho-hum at the moment, so spice it up with something new, creative, daring, stunning. Then you will be on your way to a good story! keep up the good work!
So does the sexy attorney now resort to some form of financial, emotional, or better still – sexual blackmail to get what she wants out of this hotshot…? I’m wanting a second sentence for this logline but I like the premise so far.
Love it. It’s still missing the hook though.
It’s to vague, but has potential.
Sounds like the story of Bill Clinton… And us Americans love him!
It’s to vague, but has potential.
Uhm, so what’s the story about?
I like the concept.
The logline needs work, but maybe this will help:
“Crackerjack financial golden boy, Ted Morrison, gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar by a sexy securities attorney, who just found out she’s pregnant with his baby.”
Starts off good, then i wonder, what thd fudge does the sexy attorney have to do with anything?? Hand caught in what?? What the fudge did he do?? What is going on here?? Just rewrite it as he did something, got caught and is he going to pay the price by the sexy lady or will she help cover it up and fuck his brains out!! LOL
Fix it up friend, more clear please!
And then what? You can’t rely on hinting and implications to tell your story. Say it straight out.
New Thomas crown affair. Awesome!
I like it
Lose the idiosyncracies. I’m assuming this is cat and mouse stuff? If so, it’s not coming across that clearly.
The story concept is good and the potential can be very high. If there’s a script in the making or done, you should enter it.