No Ordinary Joe
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Rating: 2.2/5 (6 votes cast)

No Ordinary Joe

Navy SEAL Joe was wound in the Middle East paralyzing him from the waist down and is sent home in a wheelchair. Not only does he have to fight the government for his full benefits but he also have to fight the crime in the poverty stunk neighborhood he’s forced to live in. Based on the Family Guy character.

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    1. Profile photo of damiencage
      damiencage says
      July 5, 2016, 11:52 pm
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      Okay

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    2. Profile photo of
      says
      January 31, 2016, 10:31 pm
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      The grammar is poor. There are also obvious copyright issues, with a character that isn’t yours.

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    3. Brian says
      November 26, 2015, 10:09 pm
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      Great concept. Definitely lose the “based on” bit. You don’t need to share this info and it can only hurt you if you do. The rule is: if it’s not significant, lose it. Your concept is pretty tight. Your pitch is rather lengthy. Try to do it in one sentence. Details like “Middle East” don’t matter, and both “paralyzed” and “wheelchair” give us the same info, so you can lose one.

      Keep working at your logline. The concept has great potential. Well done :)

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      • Profile photo of raydavenport
        November 27, 2015, 1:39 pm

        Thanks again Brian, but the Family Guy character is the main inspiration for the story, but you are right now since I have figured out a way around the copyright and trademark problem regarding using characters from other peoples works.

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    4. Profile photo of Pasquali
      Pasquali says
      July 24, 2015, 2:01 pm
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      You had me interested until I saw “based on the Family Guy character.” Make it your own; make it original. You can’t base a spec on someone else’s character like this. Again, a good idea, but make it your own. Also, is it live action or animated? To me, live action with this story would be the way to go.

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    5. Profile photo of RonFord
      RonFord says
      May 6, 2015, 9:19 pm

      That would help and sounds good!

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    6. Profile photo of RonFord
      RonFord says
      May 6, 2015, 4:10 pm
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      Too wordy and should be written in the present tense. Save the details for the plot summary.

      The idea of a paralyzed man, especially a former navy seal, fighting crime is sure enough an attention grabber.

      Also, the fact that he’s fighting for his benefits he deserved will gain the audience sympathy.

      Good stuff, just condense it in half at the least, to show your craft and understanding of what a logline is.

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      • Profile photo of raydavenport
        May 6, 2015, 8:42 pm

        Hey thanks Ron Ford,

        Or maybe if I take out the “Based on the Family Guy character” maybe it wouldn’t look so wordy, the picture itself should say that huh?

        But I will do my best to do better, thanks again!

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