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Rating: 3.5/5 (1 vote cast)

Naked

Nhyira, is always maltreated by her father’s girlfriend anytime he’s not home. Her father finds out by himself Nhyira is always maltreated when he’s not home. Due to this he breaks up with his girlfriend

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  1. January 24, 2017, 12:25 pm
    Overall
    Concept
    Story Structure
    Character
    Dialogue
    Grammar
    Budget (1-Low / 5-High)

    This is a really interesting idea. Most of characters are very strong and the dialogue is interesting too. A simple narrative and easy to follow script which is a positive in most parts as too many short scripts are indecypherable.

    The mother character (Eno) seems a little out of place oddly – she feels a bit like an exposition character (a plot device) and may not be entirely needed, but the other characters are strong an interesting.

    If I have a gripe it is that as a stand alone story, it resolves everything far too easily and it feels a little contrived. The fact that the little girl wins and the Dad resolves the situation, left me feeling unsatisfied and if this were a short ilm, that would definitely ben to it’s detriment. Short stories often need a twist or an unexpected revelation at the end, whereas this wraps itself up nicely.

    I think as a scene from a longer piece of work, the scene is gone but as a short film this would struggle to leave an audience feeling anything other than they have just watched a scene cut rom a bigger film.

    I also think it could be crueler. At the moment, it feels like a ‘step mum tells off step child’ story, when it could been so much more sinister. Is the child being abused badly? Physically? What does the character do the child behind closed doors – could we see the main character really close u to the girls face threatening her then see the change as the father walks in (in front of the father she is lovely but we now that she’s lying). Does the father really know and tolerate it? Or is he really in the dark? My gut feel is he would know something wasn’t right already and this won’t have been the first time it happened.

    Despite this, there is the core of a great idea here. I think it could be explored more and a more ambiguous or twisted end would suit it better, along with a greater sense of threat that the girl is really in danger.

    Overall though, a good piece and a good place to start, but to make it great I think there can be lots done.

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