Momentum
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Rating: 3.4/5 (19 votes cast)

Momentum

A special forces veteran protects a female scientist after her team is murdered — having just unlocked a compound that transforms water into a containable power source.  If she dies, the discovery dies with her.

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  1. Profile photo of rvgoya
    rvgoya says
    April 24, 2016, 3:07 am
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    sounds like a Tom Clancy novel… can be entertaining…but nothing out of the ordinary.

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  2. Dem-Nisbet says
    December 31, 2013, 11:07 pm
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    Good hook, I doubt the story potential simply because it flies in the face of known science rather too badly. Of course you could be using cold fusion, and water would be your raw material, but you’d have to be specific about this. I’d be unlikely to watch it unless the characters were really strong, and my friends were recommending it. It has reasonable potential, but it would be easy to slip into very formulaic writing.

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  3. RicoJ27 says
    October 25, 2013, 4:07 pm
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    Your Logline left me intrigued briefly but is death the “only” thing stopping the discovering and why can’t she inform the scientific world? Is she trapped in some facility? I think more can be said to clarify these lingering questions. But overall this script has potential.

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  4. Profile photo of wordman
    wordman says
    November 15, 2012, 3:58 pm
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    Where’s the antagonist, the inner conflict?

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  5. Profile photo of MattLove
    MattLove says
    October 15, 2012, 7:45 am
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    Sounds interesting, but also kind’a like the junk you’d watch on the sci-fi channel.

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  6. August 31, 2012, 12:38 pm
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    The hook works, but it’s not very inspired outside of a conventional genre piece.

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  7. dimitrios says
    August 27, 2012, 10:52 pm
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    We don’t know who killed her team. Foreign agents or her own goverment. If they were foreign then why her goverment didn’t protect her and her teasm better?

    As she was the lead scientist she should be responsible to have her findings hidden in a safe place not to be found.

    Other than that it sounds like a James Bond action movie.

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  8. rickemg says
    August 2, 2012, 10:21 am
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    It’s a concept with good potential and I’d go and see it.

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  9. Profile photo of sethm
    sethm says
    August 2, 2012, 3:05 am
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    Vote. Didnt register

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  10. says
    July 31, 2012, 12:49 pm
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    Sounds intriguing. I can see it as a film

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  11. Profile photo of sethm
    sethm says
    July 20, 2012, 9:38 pm

    I’d see this movie!~

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  12. Profile photo of
    says
    July 11, 2012, 10:17 am
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    It’s different, that’s why I like it! good job!

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  13. Profile photo of mistererock
    July 9, 2012, 12:44 pm
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    I think that the story has a lot of potential, but the hook seems pretty weak. Yes, it is interesting that water could be transformed into a containable energy source. And, yes, the old “special forces/scientist” angle is a tried and true device. Alone, the ideas are not that special. Together, they are still not that special. BUT, if the special forces veteran is a dolphin or something, that would make the story unique. Another way to punch this up a little bit would be to include (in the logline) the major character flaw that keeps the story from going smoothly. I like the idea. But I’ve heard it before. The script may be AMAZINGLY unique, but that needs to come through in the logline.

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  14. Profile photo of mark123
    mark123 says
    July 7, 2012, 1:02 pm
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    Love the potential of this – maybe romatic element while action all around. This sparks a lot of ideas about where you might go with the story — and I’ll have my popcorn ready for this ride.

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  15. Profile photo of
    says
    July 7, 2012, 12:34 pm
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    You don’t need to state that she’s a female scientist; that’s evident from “after her team…” Who is the most important character? Is it seen from the vet or the scientist? Personally, I’d prefer to see it told from her POV. Otherwise, this already begins to sound derivative.

    I’d also refer to the secret as something like “a revolutionary compound that threatens to topple the corporate dominance of the energy sector.” Maybe “industry” instead of “sector.” Also, “unlocked a compound”? That sounds awkward. Maybe use “uncovered” or “discovered”? Or “unlocked the secret…”

    I also advise you to use more colorful adjectives. Is the scientist beautiful, tough, shy, nerdy, tough, brilliant (well, I guess that’s obvious), recalcitrant, altruistic…? Pick one, and plug it in.

    Here’s my suggestion:

    A special forces vet protects the life of a naive scientist who has unlocked the secret of a compound that threatens to topple the corporate dominance of the energy sector.

    “If she dies, the discovery dies with her” should be saved for the tagline.

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    • Profile photo of
      says
      July 7, 2012, 12:36 pm

      Oh, right, I forgot to make the point about seeing it through her eyes. If it is her POV, I’d suggest something like this:

      A naive scientist who has unlocked the secret of a compound that threatens to topple the corporate dominance of the energy sector bristles under the watchful eye of the spceial forces vet assigned to protect her life.

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    • Profile photo of tserlin
      tserlin says
      July 7, 2012, 12:50 pm

      Thanks! Great comments! If this script is ever written, I’d love your feedback — actually will be posting one on this site called SHADES. The logline is problematic – but the script is a tough one to describe in a logline.

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  16. Profile photo of
    says
    June 27, 2012, 11:17 pm
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    I’m hooked! Sounds like it could be the type of movie that would have you on the edge of your seat. I’m curious to know how the team died. That’s what pulls me in.

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    • Profile photo of tserlin
      tserlin says
      June 29, 2012, 9:05 pm

      Not sure – any suggestions? I figure it will be something similar to CHAIN REACTION. On the brink of their discovery — evil hitmen wipe them out – expecting to get the genetic code – or breakdown for the compound. But – it’s all it the survivor’s head.

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  17. Profile photo of tserlin
    tserlin says
    June 27, 2012, 10:01 pm
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    got to push it… water… romance… action… thriller!

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  18. darney says
    June 27, 2012, 9:33 pm
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    Sounds like a fast pacy film with romantic potential in there too. I like the idea regarding the water, a well-used plot device that works most times.

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  19. says
    June 27, 2012, 10:59 am
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    Adding an antagonist or location as premise would be advised instead of simply saying that her team is murdered; It leads me to ask, who and why she must be protected; your logline also lacks proper phrasing structure and ends with an incomplete statement that appears irrelevant when reading, as a whole…

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    • Profile photo of tserlin
      tserlin says
      June 27, 2012, 1:58 pm

      What is proper phrasing structure? The logline is intended to sell the idea quickly and get the reader to bite. If a location as premis isn’t in there, it would indicate they are on the run (hence the references to action thrillers mentioned). Leaving the antagonist out keeps it short, vague enough to warrent interest in who that might be.

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  20. June 27, 2012, 10:57 am
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    Lot’s of potential, but I beg you to stay away from typical hollywood format in these types of films. Keep it real lol. Anyway, this is good. Worth watching if done with a normal director and cast.

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