Russian Cross
Caleb Kaplan is a bullied high school loner who befriends the mysterious new Russian student in school. He soon finds out tha...
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The only reason I gave this al 3 instead of a 1 for story potential is that I started imagining all of the potential comedic situations available here.
But as a logline, this is sub par…and not even grammatically correct.
Really needs more explanation.
AND………………….WHAT ELSE
As most of the others have pointed out, there’s much missing here. However, from what the line says, I cannot deny there’s potential here. But still, you need to invest a bit of effort to tell the reader what’s going to happen.
Tagline and logline are not the same
Tell us what you mean. This movie-poster tagline (not a logline) implies a lot, and we can fill in the blanks, but then again a lot of us are writers here.
You’ve obviously got an idea for a movie. Tell it in a logline and maybe I’ll jump through whatever hoops I have to, to re-rate. Don’t even know if that’s possible!
Not a logline – too many unanswered questions. And even what you have written is grammatically incorrect. It is so important to get the grammar right in a logline, otherwise a producer will say, “If the grammar is poor in a logline, heaven knows what the script will be like!”
Marianna needs an apostrophe s, and you never use capital letters to begin each word in a sentence.
And what the friends want from her, are they a troupe of unlimited ambitious, or they are rich, or pretending to be rich too????…
Ehh, ok…Can’t imagine what the story is about? Quite frankly, with a ‘logline’ like this I couldn’t really care…Obstacles? Protagonist? Antagonist? Give us SOMETHING.
Sorry, I can’t give a star rating.
This is not an actual logline that works. However, with a little bit of work, it would be dynamite. just add some elements (character, conflict, story elements) – but keep it short and you will succeed!
Left me wondering. Is there more?
I would need a bit more character motivation to really be interested.
Normally I would poo poo all over this one, but though it goes against everything I would normally suggest, I kind of like it. I think it says it all through subtext and borders on brilliant. Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t be saying this. But I do like it. The sense I get from this very concise line is: Marianna is not rich, and her challenge is dealing with friends who believe the facade, and that she runs into trouble maintaining the lie. If this is not the story, then we have a HUGE problem.
But let’s just say I’m wrong and that you should change it because of overwhelming pressure. You’d have to accept that what you have is a set-up, and must add the conflict and stakes to make this a traditional logline. Only by knowing the hero, the problem and the potential crisis can we know enough about a story to make an informed decision about whether we want to read it or not.
Something like: Mariana must maintain the facade that she is rich if she wants to keep her job, her friends and her lover.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Not a logline at all.
Good Darraneica!!
Well I Think I’ll Ignore Your Comments…She Did Good And She’s OnlyThirteen So Don’t Do Her Like That And You Know What? I Wrote It!! So Thanks ALot Fpr Doubting Me!!
Sorry but I think you’re very confused.
“Marianna Friends (a person’s name) thinks she’s rich, but really she (insert something funny/strange/bizarre HERE.)” That could be a pretty good logline…
So… this movie last about five minutes? If you add a subplot.
By the way, the system wouldn’t allow me to submit my comment with zero stars, but that’s the score I’d have given you. Sorry for being so harsh, but Hollywood will chew you up and spit you out if you submit stuff like this. Actually, no, they’d just ignore you.
and,…..?
The logline needs to illustrate excellent grammar. I do not think a director/producer would read the script. You can revise this to show why this story is different than others. Good luck!
Way too long. Kidding…
Why is every word capitalized? Is “Mariana” supposed to be “Mariana’s”?
Should we assume Mariana is not rich?
You have a strong mystery going on here for all the wrong reasons.
Oh my gosh lol. Please add more! Wowza, this is bad friend. What are you smoking? LOL. Sorry for the harsh words, but you can add a lot to this and make it better.
The story potential for this problubly goes up with more decent logline.
That’s it?
this is not really a logline.