Level
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Rating: 3.4/5 (2 votes cast)

Level

A callous enforcer tries to solve the murder of the news anchor he met the night before while he is infuriatingly harassed by a detective who thinks he committed the crime.

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  1. mikeyz says
    September 27, 2013, 12:32 pm
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    Here’s my take Vatican: I think what you have here is a solid story that’s really well-told but, as you’ve already addressed yourself, the poor formatting takes away from your writing talents and distracts the reader to the point where they may not even choose to see the entire read through. Industry professionals would dismiss this pretty quickly into the read based on presentation alone — so format and appearance is PIVOTAL. I see how, as you say in your comments, the document didn’t convert properly when you changed it over to PDF format which affected the line and page breaks … totally been there!

    So consider this a rough draft and transpose the text to a proper screenwriting software package as well. Run spell-checker and auto-format and consult Trottier’s “Screenwriter’s Bible” particularly for precise methodologies on proper screenplay formatting (i.e., line-spacing, dialogue box width, sluglines, parenthetical usage, directional shots, P.O.V., jump/inter-cutting, montage, timeline changes, flash-backing, etc.). The formatting did improve as I continued to read on so clearly you do have a handle on how to properly write script — just go back and make the thing perfect so the presentation looks much neater!
    Admittedly, I’m probably not the best expert when it comes to formatting either!

    As for story — really gripping and enjoyable and I honestly couldn’t put it down! “Level’s” character is both brutal yet tragic and I like the way you have presented his rather inspiring down-and-out, hard-luck enforcer story. Deep down, I thought this guy had a real heart — he saved Jennipher from being raped; confessed to the Police about Daniel’s innocense in the murder; saves Dect. Lulu’s life in the end. He also seemed very intelligent in the way he thoroughly checked the police records and investigated Jennipher’s murder himself. His confrontation with Eileen near the end showed how committed he was to solving the case and even his love for Jennipher. The dialogue was smart and even funny at times. The story was fast-paced and suspensful and I was really interested in knowing how, if at all, Level was involved in Jennipher’s murder. The inter-cutting of sequences between the detectives and Level’s band of thugs was effective in establishing motives and connecting the series of events. The ending confrontation between Level and the psychotic and delusional David was well played out as well as we found out what really transpired.

    Overall, I like the story and I really liked the Level character as well. As I said though, go through it again and make sure the grammar and formatting is spot on for your next draft cuz I think the story is a real winner! I totally enjoyed reading this and I think others will as well!

    Best,

    Mike.

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    • September 29, 2013, 8:47 am

      Thanks Mike. I loved what you said. I’m very glad you liked it. And I’m sorry about the formatting — It bothers me to no end. I even checked it several times before posting it and it seemed fine, everything was inorder. I still don’t know how it got sooo messed up.

      Thanks

      Vatican

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    rattycat says
    August 20, 2013, 1:56 pm

    I know all about v.o., o.s. etc. As an actor I have worked in many movies.
    That is old school. You should use Final Draft or some other newer system.
    That is what I meant by rough. Now days directors don’t like too many directions.
    A new heading is needed for EVERY scene change.
    The average reader may not know what you mean by B and E, CSI and others.
    It’s best to make things clear. Some scenes are over-the-top. Maybe they could be presented better.

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  3. August 20, 2013, 12:50 pm

    I wanted to let anyone who reads this know — that I know about the formatting error. It was, to the best of my knowledge, formatted correctly until I made it a pdf on my new Macbook which I have never used before. I used a program called textedit which completely messed it up.

    If you couldn’t tell — I’m a PC guy. I’m not a Mac fan.

    Anyway, Thanks for taking the time to read it.

    :3

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    rattycat says
    August 18, 2013, 4:47 pm
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    Not a bad story, but rough in many areas. Needed to let the reader know what the initials meant. In some parts it was incomplete. I like it, even though much of it didn’t make sense, or was too unrealistic.

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    • August 20, 2013, 1:07 pm

      If you have the time, can you be more specific on the rough, incomplete, and unrealistic areas/scenes? And what do you mean by “initials”?

      If you mean the ones in parentheticals? i.g. <– (by the way that means "example") (V.O.) = "Voice Over" or (O.S.) = "Off Screen". Because I would suggest you read the screenwriters bible for a more indepth understanding of basic scriptwriting.

      Thank you — For taking the time to read/rate my script.

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