Laundromurder
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Rating: 2.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Laundromurder

Colleen recently lost her boyfriend in a horrific steel mill accident. The guy responsible was sent to jail for manslaughter… but what if he escaped, heading straight to the laundromat where Colleen is working the night shift?

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    1. Profile photo of Ollieryan0792
      April 22, 2016, 4:51 pm
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      Needs more of a hook, this story seems bland as it is, maybe details might juice it up but this seems like something we’ve all seen before. It needs something more dramatic, is there nobody else in the laundromat? Does she not recognize him and run when he comes in? Seems like too many plot holes so far.

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    2. December 3, 2014, 4:22 am
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      Goood job Rachel!

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    3. SW63 says
      October 17, 2014, 8:44 pm
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      So your saying the “guy responsible” (whoever he might be) has the will and resources to break himself out of jail and then comes looking for the girlfriend of someone who died in an accident? Why?

      Perhaps if the boyfriend was an undercover cop who had stumbled upon some massive drugs deal and was murdered at the steel mill. The murder was made to look like an accident, but the cop had sent a memory stick to his girlfriend with incriminating evidence on it and the “guy responsible” (whoever he might be) wanted t back – then you might have a story.

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    4. tinisha says
      September 16, 2014, 3:27 pm
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      The logline is too long, and you wrote “but what if he escaped, heading straight to the Laundromat where Colleen is working the nigh shift?” I have a major problem with this part. You shouldn’t be asking questions in loglines, I believe you should be blunt and tell us what the story is about. Plus loglines should be one sentence. However, beside this, I do like the horror nature of what you are trying to portray. Scary stuff.

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    5. Profile photo of Raffiki
      Raffiki says
      September 8, 2014, 3:57 pm
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      I’m not sure I understand. I am having trouble seeing the appeal.

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    6. September 8, 2014, 3:40 pm
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      I like the name, that is catchy!

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