KILL CONTROL
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Hook
Rating: 3.6/5 (2 votes cast)

KILL CONTROL

In a future where technology can recreate past homicide crime scenes, a detective must elude an all-out manhunt when he’s framed for murder by a vengeful police cyber-intelligence.

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    1. Profile photo of RonFord
      RonFord says
      May 6, 2015, 3:43 pm
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      It has my interest. I’m curious to read more to see how the story plays out. Nice job.

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    2. Leebo159 says
      May 4, 2015, 11:37 am

      In a future where technology can recreate past homicide crime scenes, a detective must elude an all-out manhunt when he’s framed for murder by a vengeful police cyber-intelligence.

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    3. roknsrf says
      April 24, 2015, 11:52 pm
      Overall
      Story Potential
      Hook

      Futuristic theme that suggests a descent story potential, but the hook stumbles in that it is improbable the protag can prove his innocence if he is on the run. I suggest “goes undercover.”

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    4. Profile photo of williamhproductions@gmail.com
      April 22, 2015, 9:50 pm

      I like it.

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      • Leebo159 says
        April 29, 2015, 8:12 pm

        Thanks for the feedback everyone.

        What do you think of this revision?

        In a future where violent criminals can be tracked globally, a homicide detective must elude an all-out manhunt to prove he was framed for murder by a vengeful police cyber-intelligence.

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        • Leebo159 says
          April 30, 2015, 7:36 pm

          Actually, I think this revision is better:

          In a future where technology can recreate specific past events to capture elusive criminals, a homicide detective must elude an all-out manhunt to prove he was framed for murder by a vengeful police cyber-intelligence.

          Thanks

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