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I like confusing stories, and don’t mind watching the same movie several times to figure it all out, but a logline should not be confusing.
I feel like this tells too much… It is a badly written logline and unfortunately, unlike the title suggests, I am not intrigued.
I can’t decide if the logline tells me too much or too little. It doesn’t grab me. I’m sorry, but there’s just nothing about the logline that would want me to read the story.
Lots of moving parts here. They’re not connecting to layer the logline that well. Great story swimming under the current here. Get the conflict clear and you’re away. WP
Ok, I read a few of the comments after finding I didn’t like or understand the logline. But then the author chimes in a tells us what the story is about and it sounds way more exciting when you stop trying to make it a mystery. A coma love affair? Come on, that’s awesome. Put that in your logline and you have a golden hook. Listen, a producer wants to know what he’s reading. You have to get through the front door with your logline before they’ll read the script. Excite them with your exciting idea. Not the details about the crashes, the coma love affair is where it’s at. And forget about the waking up part.
After a near fatal tragedy, so and so finally finds a new lease on life and love, the only problem is she’s still in a coma.
Maybe, maybe not. But here’s the nitty gritty. MAKE ME WANT TO READ IT! Don’t tip toe around the good stuff. I’m going to score your hook on what I think it is based on your comments, not what I read in the logline.
Honestly, not interested enough in the concept as it is to ask what comes after the …
It makes me want to read more but I’m not sure what his goal is, to face the nightmare? Also, I need more information to better understand the “nightmare” and the “ugly truth”. In other words, it’s too vague.
it was not a dream but a badly written logline…
I am confused. Rework this logline — add specific clarity — drop the unnecessary words that make it more vague. Strip it down to its essence. Then you will have something.
“Shortly after Tony Halls becomes a victim in a deadly crash, he meets the girl of his dreams Tara Ann.” This bit sounds great, it kind of goes off the rails after that, so I’ll ignore the rest. Sounds to me like a dead guy is still floating around as a ghost and finds the girl of his dreams. He then has to work out a way to communicate with her, which he does and they fall in love. She then tries to bring him back to life so they can be together, but the twist in the end is that she dies and they end up being together forever in the afterlife.
Basically two people are in coma and live the dream life that they have been searching for, the two get everything in a perfect life, and so on find each other and fall in love, but in the end she wakes up from her coma and he doesn’t. The ugly truth is that her nightmare was her reality..
logline confusing and seems incomplete. Should be rewritten to give a better idea of what”s going on.
Please tell me that it’s not a dream! The story’s unfolding from Tony’s mind or reality?
That was just a draft, it was shorten and so on
I think if you sent this to a producer, they would laugh as they threw it in the trash. The last sentence doesn’t describe anything anyway, but I can’t even begin to know the point of not even finishing it.
Sounds like a “Defending Your Life” scenario (old Albert Brooks movie). But I find the logline cryptic to the point of annoying as opposed to engaging. Especially the ellipsis at the end.
I think what this logline really needs is…
@alex…………..feels like it’s telegraphing as a dream/bad dream
But finding out that it was just a nightmare/bad dream, wouldn’t be an ugly truth…unless it was hard losing Tara,,….because she was just a dream?
I hope the next words are not “a dream”? ;o) This sounds like an intriguing idea.
Anybody want to take a guess what it was?