Infirmities
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Rating: 3.0/5 (14 votes cast)

Infirmities

Reporter checks into a crime managed care center as a patient to investigate why wealthy patients die before their time.

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  1. Profile photo of RutgerOosterhoff
    March 24, 2015, 7:03 pm
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    Who or what is the antag?

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  2. Profile photo of raydavenport
    January 26, 2015, 9:31 am
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    more work on the logline but sounds like a good story, good luck!

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  3. Profile photo of keezheekonid
    January 18, 2015, 9:02 pm
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    I like where this is going a lot but want more description.

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  4. Profile photo of jeziers2
    jeziers2 says
    February 24, 2013, 3:48 pm
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    very good concept. it has very good potential and could make a great horror/malpractice story. This could be a great story if taken in the right direction.

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  5. Doboro says
    January 9, 2013, 9:56 am
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    Is this a drama or a suspense thriller or a mystery? It has me saying “I dunno…” so that’s something. The logline itself is OK, but it could be written to better communicate the intended genre.

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  6. allymay says
    December 28, 2012, 12:45 pm
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    Its interesting and original but too vague to incite me to read the script.

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  7. December 14, 2012, 10:43 pm
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    It has my attention, but is vague in ways I don’t think are intentional.

    crime managed care center = “crime-ridden” managed care center?
    crime managed care center = care center managed by crime?

    I get that the reporter is going undercover, but there might be a clearer way to express it.

    also maybe “are dying” instead of “die”; it’s a phenomenon he/she is _currently_ researching…

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  8. December 11, 2012, 3:51 am
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    Read the below comments. Although it does provoke my interest.

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  9. November 9, 2012, 6:25 pm

    There needs to be some more information in the log line to completely hook me, while I won’t deny that my interest is peaked.

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  10. October 22, 2012, 3:23 am
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    The logline needs to have a little more info to completely peak my interest but I have to admit I am intrigued.

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  11. joyhorror says
    October 19, 2012, 5:11 pm
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    Agree. Great Potential.

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  12. Profile photo of johnnymiller
    September 20, 2012, 7:00 pm
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    Has great potential. The hook is the old run of the mill hook that we see in every movie.

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  13. wardparry says
    September 20, 2012, 3:20 pm
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    It’s clear enough as it is. Perhaps a little more on the mystery. WP

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  14. rickemg says
    September 20, 2012, 10:16 am
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    I’m intrigued, but need more info to whet my appitite. I see that you narrowed the logline into one sentence which is great, just use a little more verbage. Like what kind of reporter, or his mental health … etc. All in all, I’d go see it Harry.

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  15. Profile photo of PaulAndy
    PaulAndy says
    September 20, 2012, 1:27 am
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    Tweek the logline because there isn’t enough info. But the concept is good

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